Monday, December 26, 2011

Post-Christmas/New Year wrap up

Okay, so it's 10:50 on New Years Eve.  People might be wondering what I'm doing at home, and blogging on New Years Eve. People who know me however, are not surprised that I'm at home because 1) I had to work at the Family New Years Eve party, and 2) I'm not a party animal.  Shocking, I know.  Such a disappointment.

And now, on to the wrap-up.  It's been almost two months since my last post, but I'm just going to go with the major details - the Holiday season.

It wasn't a very Christmas-y Christmas to start off with.  The weather is just not cooperating.  Though I much prefer this to the snow-mageddon of last year.  I don't really like the snow, but I do like to look out on Christmas eve and see a few flakes in the air, and a light white coating on the ground.  Just enough to look seasonal.  Not enough to mess with people's travel plans or to make it too cold to move.

But, I did all the Christmas baking this year, and that put me closer to the mood, but it just seemed that Christmas was all just another week away, even when it was as close as two or three days.  I mean, it came so quick, and it feels like it should still be about a month away.  Strange.  Life is going by far too quickly, even though some days seem to be weeks long.

But Christmas was good.  I spent Christmas eve with a friend and her future in-laws and family, and then hung out at another friend's and helped wrap some gifts for her brother's kids.  None of that seems monumental, but it was nice.  Christmas day was a Sunday, so we went to church and then went to dinner with family.  And on the retail side of things, I did get a few super cool, and useful things.  Some of which I already knew about, and a few that I didn't.  Boxing Day was another dinner with friends of my parents whose anniversary is Dec. 26.

And of course, I came home with leftovers, so I ate well for an extra few days.

Before New Years Eve I had to work two and a half days, and then it was time for the Family New Years Eve Party.  Three fabulous, fun-filled hours of families and screaming/hyper children.  I'm such a fan.  We had a good turnout again this year though, and that's good.

And since this is meant to be a wrap-up post, I should probably say that no, my life is not where I would really like it to be this year.  But 2012 is a new start, and I'm trying to think positively.  I'm going to start a new routine, and try harder to find some new things to add to my life.  Maybe I'll try something like joining a book club, or finding a new hobby.  I'd like to take a cooking class (cooking for one or two, maybe?).  Maybe I'll take a writing class.  I do have ambitions, and through those ambitions I intend to make myself meet new people.  Because really, if given the option, I'd probably stay at home, with books and TV and not see people.  Ever.  But that's partly because I deal with people every day at work.

Anyway, that's my wrap up.  Next post will probably be resolutions.  Not that I really believe in them, but maybe if I write them down I'll make myself stick to them.

Oh, and I should add, that I found out at Christmas that my aunt has actually read this.  Part of me freaked out and I came home thinking that I was going to end up censoring myself.  The other part of me was kind of excited that somebody was reading.  So, hi Aunt Ilene, if you're reading again.  We'll wait to see which part of me wins out on the censoring...

Thursday, December 8, 2011

well shoot.

I didn't blog in November in an attempt not to waste the words I could be using for NaNoWriMo. Sadly, it didn't help. I still didn't win.  Technically I don't even know how many words I wrote because I actually wrote them, with actual pen and ink so I haven't taken the time to type it into the computer to find out how many of the little buggers there are.

But that's beside the point. I gave myself the month off. And now its 8 days into the new month and this is my first post. Sad. But I'm hoping that'll change.

Tomorrow or Saturday I'm going to do a full post. It will likely sound whiney, or maybe be completely boring. But I will post. But today I am on my phone and don't feel like typing with my thumbs anymore.

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Saturday, November 5, 2011

The times they are a changing...


I just got offered a part-time seasonal position at Northern Reflections.  It's not trendy, or cool.  But it seems like a pleasant place to work, which is what I really need as a second job.  I have the opportunity to be working in two locations, because I technically was hired for one, which has some evening hours, which works best with my availability, but the manager who hired me is actually going to be at another store, that's just opening this week and says she wants me to work for her.  So I might get experience in both stores.   Which would add a nice element of variation to it.

We'll see how it works out.  Maybe I can play it out into an actual part-time job.  She did say in the interview that was a possibility.  That would probably be nice.  We'll see.

Right now, I'm just excited that I have a little bit less stress, knowing that I'll have even a tiny bit more money coming in for a couple of months.

Life goes on

Obla di obla da...

Okay so that's bass ackwards, but you get the idea.

I may have a part time job in the next week or so.  I made a follow up call.  Apparently I'm on the top of the potential hire list, and she called a reference for me today.  So we'll see when/if I actually start.  I'm kind of excited.

I went dress shopping and hanging out with a friend today.  Dress shopping because she's getting married, so with her mom and her fiancees two girls (who might as well be hers at this point.)  It was fun.  In a weird kind of way.  The dresses were NOT good.  But it's good to know things you don't want too, right?

I'm a fan of the David's Bridal website.  Lots of brilliant ideas for dresses, even if you're not going to shop there.  Great for ideas.  And the prices are good.

And now I'm tired.  Which means I'm old.  Yes, it's 12:45am, but I used to be able to do this so easily.  I slept in today.  It should be easy.

Oh well... life goes on.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Music is life...

Not really mine, but I certainly wish it was.

Went to see Nick Carter live on his "I'm Taking Off" tour at the Mississauga Living Arts Centre.  Not a place I generally think of for a concert, but it worked out really nicely actually.  The accoustics were pretty good, and it felt so much more intimate than an actual concert venue.  This was more like a theatre.

I like sometimes to sit back and muse about artists I've been following and why I've continued to do that.  And more often than not, that musing revolves around Nick Carter, since Backstreet Boys have been a segment of my life for a number of years now.  It's unusual to look at the Nick of today, and realize how young he was when I started paying attention to BSB.  And it's been a good transition.  It's fun to look back.  There've been bumps of course, but I've never not liked them, as a group, and I haven't ever gone through the stage of being bored by them.  I appreciate the solo efforts when they come, but I'm always a bit happier to see them together as a unit.  I don't know why.  There's just something about the melding of the voices.

Nick sang Larger than Life during his set, and I found it very amusing that he sings that song the same way that a fan sings it.  It's almost as if he's mimicking the missing 3 (or 4) voices, instead of singing each section as if he'd always done it.  It's endearing.  And makes me think about how odd it must feel to sing the other 3 (or 4) parts of a song that you usually don't sing.  It's interesting.

Shawn Desman opened the show, and since he wrote the Canadian bonus track "Love Can't Wait" with Nick, I think it's safe to say that I'm not the only person who was disappointed when that song didn't make the set list.

1. I'm Taking Off,
2. Blow Your Mind
3. Not The Other Guy
4. I Got You
5. Special
6. Nothing Left To Lose
7. The Great Divide
8. Do I Have To Cry For You (remixed)
9. So Far Away
10. Larger Than Life
11. Just One Kiss
12. Falling Down
13. Incomplete
14. Burning Up

Since Love Can't Wait wasn't included, I'm posting the video to conclude this post.  With one final word.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Morning funny

Only funny if you watch Supernatural, but that's okay.

Alternate version of a scene from the episode two weeks ago.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


Burned my thumb on a cookie sheet.  Hard to type, but easy to click, so I'm watching things that make me smile.

Like this:

I should also say that today is the start of NaNoWriMo, and I can't keep my hand out of frozen cold water long enough to make my word count.  And I have ideas!  Finally a Nano when I have something to write about.
This sucks!!!

Sunday, October 30, 2011


I'm crazy.

That's the only explanation.

I am once again signed up for something that I have never yet managed to accomplish.

I'm insane, right?  Because not only have I never managed to do it in the past, this year I'm trying to have an extra job, too.  That's nuts, right?

Somebody tell me I'm not stupid.  Or insane.

I may panic soon.

NaNoWriMo starts on Tuesday.  I have ideas, but is it enough of an idea for a 50,000 word novel?

*shaking my head*  Crazy, I tell you.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

and repeat...

Another interview for another part-time job this afternoon.  *shrug*  Kind of torn now.  Don't know which one I'd prefer.  Which, since I haven't been offered either is kind of a moot point, I realize, but I hope that something comes out of one of these.  That would be nice.  A little less stress in the form of budget ease would be lovely.  Especially coming up to Christmas.

Beyond that nothing is happening.  Life is dull.  And that's mostly because of the budget stress.

I do get to go see Nick Carter on Thursday.  That's exciting.  But also stressful, because I still owe my friend for the ticket.  And I have to pay for gas to get there.  *sigh*  It all comes down to that, doesn't it?

Thursday, October 27, 2011


If a place can only hire you if you have a certain availability, and they've known what your actual availability is from the first time they called you, but they've continued to pass you through interviews to the next stage, does that make them ridiculous?  Or does it make it positive because they're planning to be flexible for you?

Or does it just make it all a waste of time?

Sunday, October 23, 2011


Had a second interview at Best Buy this afternoon.  A very repetitive process, because she had me fill out a paper copy of the application that I'd already filled out online and asked me the same questions that I was asked during the phone interview.

On Thursday I meet with the GM for the third interview.  I was asked to bring a void cheque or banking information so that if the third interview was successful they'd just get all the paperwork done right then.

So far, so good, I guess.

Guess I'll find out next Thursday if I have a part-time job.

I realized while I was there though, that all the employees are wearing beige/tan pants.  I don't own any beige/tan pants that I can currently wear.  So, in an attempt to be proactive or an act of positivity, I went and purchased a pair of pants that I think will fit the bill.  Hopefully I'll need to use them soon.  It's not like I won't use them anyway, but I wouldn't have bought them if I didn't have this particular use in mind.

Employments tends to cost money.  It sucks.

Saturday, October 22, 2011


I went to Fleece Fest with a friend earlier today.  Yes, it is what it sounds like.  An entire building full of yarn, knitting and other yarn crafts.  They even had people there spinning their own yarn.  It was very interesting.  And kind of weird, at the same time.  Some of the yarn was so beautiful.  Such great colours.  And hand dyed and organic and really lovely.  You can not imagine the different colours and types of yarn that exist, until you go into a place like this.

I'm a knitter.  I don't hide this.  And so, I've always coveted those kits of corded needles where you get all sorts of sizes, and you can change out the tips of the needles on the cords.  To anyone who doesn't knit, that won't make any sense at all.  Anyway, they had a kit like that there.  And I was gazing appreciatively at it.  And I had to explain why I was looking at them to my friend because she's a more novice knitter than me.  She happened to buy some yarn and needles at this vendor.  When making her purchase she turns to me and says "Go get that needle set.  Merry Christmas."

I'm still a little surprised.  She did not have to do that.  But I love my needles. And I appreciate her thinking of that as a gift.  I no longer have to covet other knitters.  I have the good needles.

Also, I no longer scoff at the people who say that using expensive/good needles make a difference in your knitting.  Because they're actually right.  It's a much smoother process with better needles.  The yarn seems to slide more easily, and nothing catches.  And there's none of that annoying clicky sound.

It's nice.

Friday, October 21, 2011


No go on the job.  They're going with internal candidates.  Which makes a lot of people ask: if they were going to go with internal candidates why did they post externally?  I think it's a case of not knowing that there were going to be internal candidates (it's a small organization) and so they posted externally and just happened to get internals that were actually qualified.  Also, they might have been trying to deepen the pool.  To make sure that they didn't just hire internally when someone more qualified might be out there.  

Anyway, it does seem like they've wasted a few people's time.  Mine included.  But they were very positive about the whole thing.  I was very qualified and came across well and it was a pleasure to meet me and blah blah blah.  

I don't know, it's never very reassuring when they're telling you to go away, at the same time as all the positive thoughts.  Oh well.  Something else will come along, right?

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Perhaps, possibly, maybe?

Things might be looking up a little.

I think I got a part-time job this afternoon.  I put in a couple of applications last night, while I was being bummed, and this afternoon when I checked my voicemail I had a message from one of them.  And so I called them back, answered a few questions and am meeting with someone from Customer service on Sunday to do some paperwork.

I think that means I have a job.  So yey.  I might be able to afford Christmas.  And to eat for the next few months.  And there's probably a discount there, so that's a plus too.  Perfect for Christmas gifting.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


Job interview today:

At the end, one of the two interviewers tells me that there were 107 applicants for the position, some of them very qualified and that I should be pleased to have gotten an interview.

I'm not sure how to take that.  Does it mean thanks but not thanks.  Or is it purely informational.

There's no next step.  Interview is done, and now I wait.  But I wait with a very puzzled look on my face.

I don't understand.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Gotta cut loose

Went to see the new Footloose remake tonight.  Despite my initial impression from the tv ads that it was going to be just a replica with new actors, it was not.  And I did definitely enjoy it.  Enough new to make it original, but enough old to make it a great homage.  My friend and I both thoroughly enjoyed it.  Enough so that I'm considering putting it on the "to purchase" list.  Eventually.  There are a number of items ahead of it.  And the original.  The original still wins.  But the remake did a damn fine job for itself.

Note to self: Craig Brewer's a good director.  I should check out his other stuff.

Kenny Wormald was great as Ren.  He probably dances better than Kevin Bacon.

While not usually a Julianne Hough fan, I was totally able to forget that she was the actress and get lost in the life of the character of Ariel.  Kudos on that.

Miles Teller is someone to watch in the future.  As Willard, he was endearing and rednecky, and totally enjoyable.

I recommend seeing (the new) Footloose.  At some point.  Maybe not in the theatre, but it's totally not a waste of 2 hours.

Having said that, I really, really feel the need to watch the original right now.  And dammit, I don't own it.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Morning amusement

I work in small town.  There is a high school in town, but very little fast food.  The McDonald's is currently undergoing renovations.  Only the Drive-Thru is open.  Fact: most drive-thrus do not allow you to go through without an automobile.

As I was going back to work from uptown this morning, I see a small troop of high school kids walking along, carrying a chunk of cardboard with some holes cut in it.  As I watch them, I realize the cardboard is cut into the shape of a car.

The kids had cut the box into the shape of a car so that they could walk through the drive-thru at McDonald's.

Ingenuity at it's best.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Wow, check out the controversy that is me!

I recently made the "mistake" of posting an opinion on twitter about a movie that I'd seen the trailer for on TV all night.  My opinion was based erroneously, I found out after that, when numerous people attacked me for it.  One person calmly pointed out that I was wrong.  That person turned out the be the movie's director.  I then went and checked out a longer version of the trailer for said movie.  I was definitely wrong.  I apologized for my error.

Somehow this is not good enough for one person.  This person is having issues with the fact that I'm calling my tweet an opinion.  Below is the dictionary definition of opinion:
1. a belief or judgement that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
2. a personal view, attitude or appraisal.

I'm not sure how what I posted doesn't count as an opinion, based on the one TV trailer that I had repeatedly seen that night.  And I'm frustrated by this person, who seems to think I have it out for this movie.  I was posting what I thought.  I'm still allowed to do that, right?  And I did apologize and correct myself upon realizing I was wrong.  And the director of the flipping movie is fine with me.  Even had more discussion afterwards.

I don't get it.  First, I don't understand why this guy really cares.  Is he in the movie?  Is this somehow personal to him?  I just don't get it.

But I think I'm over it.  I just needed to explain myself somewhere.  And Twitter doesn't let me use enough words.

BTW: you can follow me on Twitter.  Apparently, I say controversial things. *shrug*

Monday, October 10, 2011


I bought a new calendar yesterday, and markers and some cute stickers.  I am going to use these to create my own "happiness project".   I'll put the stickers on the calendar when I do certain things, like blog, or exercise, and it'll be a way to keep myself accountable, because I'll be able to see whether I'm actually doing what I say I'm doing.  It seems kind of silly. but I think it might be the way for me to actually motivate myself.

And I need to make sure I'm motivated to the weight loss goal this time.  I'm not going to let time go by and say "Oh, I wish I'd... "  because I do that a lot.  I can keep to almost any goal that someone else sets for me because I'm a people pleaser in most cases, but I let myself down a lot.  And I need to stop doing that.

I should probably do a little self-analysis to figure out why I feel like I'm self-sabotaging.  That would probably be useful.  But I'm hoping that as I go through this process that maybe I'll find the doing of these things rewarding enough that I don't feel like that anymore, and I won't have to figure out why I did it in the first place.

Thursday, October 6, 2011


I have a friend.  A friend who's recently engaged.  A friend who just called to ask if I'd be her maid of honour!  So, so shocked!  I've never been in anyone's wedding before.  I'm not sure that I'm up to this challenge.  True, it's going to be a pretty small wedding, and both the bride and the groom have been married before, so it's not likely to be completely traditional, but it's still a little daunting.  Also, I totally wasn't expecting it.  There are sisters, and daughters involved that I thought would take precedence.  So again, shocked!

But so honoured.  And appreciative that she asked.

The biggest concern for me is the tradition of speeches.  I am generally not a public speaker.  Actually take the generally out of there.  I'm completely not a public speaker.   I'm good with words.  I know I am.  But I'm much, much better at delivering them on paper than in person.  So despite the fact that the wedding isn't until sometime next year, some part of my brain is already working on the concept of a speech.  So I have multiple pieces of paper that have little thoughts written on them.  Hopefully, if I keep this up I'll have something coherent by the time I need it.

The other part of this is that it gives me a super good goal for weight loss.  I assume there will be pictures; I want to look good in them.   And so, tomorrow I buy a calendar big enough to make stars and checks and notes about whether or not I'm keeping to exercise goals that I'm going to write on the calendar.  Maybe I'll buy myself some stickers.  Gold stars.  And black blobs.  Things that will motivate me by making me stare my successes and failures (no, let's call them setbacks) in the face.  Every day.

Goals.  Yes.  Good.

Saturday, October 1, 2011


Life really is about the simple things.

I'm staying in today.  This in itself isn't a surprise.  But I'm sitting by my patio door, first with the window slightly open for the fresh air, until it got chilly, and then with the fireplace turned slightly on.  Working on baby gifts for a friend.  Watching Doctor Zhivago on television.

None of the joy of these things are costly.  Yes, I pay for the digital cable that supplies the movie, and yes, I paid for the supplies for the baby gifts.  But as an activity on a daily basis, none of them are expensive.

And it really is such a nice thing to just sit and drink tea and craft.  Letting my mind wander, or not, listening to the cat purr on the couch nearby.  To just be.

It's a lovely way to spend a day.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

My strange addiction

Okay, so it's not really that strange.  I am addicted to shoes.  I love them.  I love how high heels look, how cute they are, all the fun colours they come in. But, for the most part, I don't really want to wear them.  I would really just live in my Skechers.

This is really how my brain works.  I want to own the pretty shoes, I want to possess them, I want to make them mine but I don't really want to wear them anywhere, because they're never as comfortable as my Skechers.  Any of my Skechers actually, since I own multiple styles of them.

I own a decent number of heels too.  All different brands, different colours, different styles.  But I still look at them and love them and want to wear them.  And then I go for flats.

I'm just not willing to choose style over comfort.

The reason for this rant?  My newest acquisitions (Damn Payless and their BOGO events.)

I actually went in to replace the pair that I'd been wearing all day, because they were sorely in need of replacement.  So it's all my own fault.  (And that damn BOGO.)   One positive is that I did have enough willpower to stop at 2 pairs.  I seriously fell in love with about 8 different styles.

I really like the black patents.  They're the pair that works as the replacement.  They're simple, but the patent makes them a little more fun.  And it makes them look less like just plain black shoes.  Besides, who doesn't love black patent shoes?!?  Am I right?

The other ones, well, I just like them.  They're fun.  And not quite black.  They're really a dark gun metal-like grey.  So different.

The other weird part is that these are "skinny" heels.  I'm usually firmly against skinny heels.  Obviously, they're not stilettos, but they are definitely thinner and taller than I would normally buy.  But I was completely comfortable in them.  The heels anyway, the shoes will take a little working in, but I tried them on at the end of the day after wearing heels all day, so they should be perfectly fine.

So yey.  Pretty new shoes for me.  To go with the pretty new pants I bought yesterday.

Ya, sticking to that budget really well, aren't I?

In my defense, I needed pants to replace the ones that I can no longer wear, and needed shoes to replace the ones that were broken.  Both the pants and the shoes that were replaced have already been disposed of.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Nothing to say...

But here, watch this:

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The wise words of Marilyn Monroe...

Not a phrase someone expects to hear - Marilyn Monroe, wise?  Really?  Wasn't she just a vapid sex-pot?

I'm reading a biography right now, and no, she really wasn't.  She was constantly searching information, knowledge.  Reading classic literature, studying art.  It's interesting.

Wise words of today are: "I can be smart when it's important, but most men don't like it." (spoken as Lorelei Lee in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes - 1952)

And now you'd suggest that she didn't actually speak them, they were scripted for her.  Except that it was Marilyn's idea to add them to the movie.  They weren't originally scripted.  And truer words have probably never been spoken.  And, it seems she based her entire persona on them.

It's sad that 59 years later it's still the same.  Men/boys do not like smart women in general.  Are they threatened by it?  Do they just like to feel intellectually superior?  Who knows but them.  And they're not telling.

So, we learn to either play stupid, or suffer their intolerance of us.  It's a petty game, really.  But even as young girls we know we have to learn how to play it.  Because even now, there's judgement if a woman can't get a man.

And a smart girl, even a pretty one, can rarely get a man as easily as a pretty dumb girl.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Ugh! *with a nose crinkle*

I had to put up a new shower curtain today. My old one (the plastic, inside part) had mold on it. This dates back to when I was lazy and didn't open the curtain back up to close off the shower after I'd been in it. So I decided it was time to either clean it, or replace it.

Being lazy, I chose replace. But now I have to deal with that toxic, gross, plastic smell. Probably for at least a week. I hate that smell. I don't know how to deal with that smell. You can't cover it up. It just hangs there in that tiny space of a room, and waits for you. Saying "hello, I'm a new plastic shower curtain over here, don't you love me yet?" And you just want to scream "NO!" and run from the room.

It's awful. And I know this post is as well, but seriously, I needed to vent about the curtain.

Besides the smell, I really liked my old shower curtain. I had double fun curtains. But the new inside one is just plain. And so, kind of boring. It makes me sad.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

babies, babies and more babies?

When did Grey's Anatomy become all about the babies?  Everyone either has one, or doesn't want one, or has an issue with one.  There are babies everywhere on this show.  I don't get it.

It used to be all about the selfish drama.  Suddenly there are families and people with actual feelings about other people's actions, and not in the way that is all about how it affects them.  It's strange.

I'm thinking maybe this is a good year to go out with a bang.  It's season 8 right?  Eight is a good number.   Patrick Dempsey has already said that he's out after this year.  And Ellen Pompeo has said similar though not quite as bluntly.  So really, why go on?  They are the main essence of the show.  And sure, there's still another Grey to step in, just in case Meredith isn't there anymore.  But can anyone really say that Lexi is as important to the story as Meredith is?

I guess this is why I'm not a tv writer.  I don't know the ins and outs.  I don't know the theories behind why shows do or don't get cancelled, or why they continue.  And so, I'll watch, and wait to see how much longer the show continues.

.... and holy crap, that's a sinkhole!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

When will the effort pay off?

I'm trying, really I am. 

Trying to get a new job.  Putting in as many resumes as I can find jobs to apply to.  Even part time.  And temporary positions.

I have to keep trying to stay positive.  But it's frustrating.

I understand that a lot of people are going through this at the moment.  It's just the climate of the economy.  And I should be grateful that I'm one of the people who still have a job while I'm searching.  This, I know.

My issues really come from watching people come and go from where I am, and I still sit there.  And some of these people are my friends.  And I've watched them leave (some in entirely bad circumstances) and eventually find positions that make them happy.  They've made changes in their lives based on that change, and they're doing well.   And I'm watching my life stay the same.  Partly because I'm afraid to take a risk, because I like the relative security of what I have.  And partly because I just don't know what else to do.  I can't make people see that I should be part of their organization.  I can't make up skills that I don't have, or convince people that I can do things that they don't see that I can do.  I just don't sell myself well enough for that.

I guess I should learn.  Add that to the list of things that I need to put more effort into.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Lord, help me be strong...

Okay, so this post is probably going to end up with me coming across as mean and judgemental.  And yet, I'm still going to post it.  Why?  Because I'm trying to be real here.  And because, heck, why not still post it.  I'm thinking it, so I'm already mean and judgemental.  I might as well share it with the world.

We have a co-op student where I work.  Because I was on vacation, I had yet to work with her until today.  And boy, I don't know how this is going to work for the next several months.  I think she's probably a lovely girl.  But there's something... well, special about her.  Apparently she's a little bit deaf.  (Only a little bit?)  And apparently she's also got some sight issues.  And well.  Like I said, a little bit special.

She talks to loud on the phone.  And she talks too loud in general.  And yes, that can be chalked up to the deafness.  And she just tries to hard.  It's probably a case of wanting to be a part of the group, because she's not been readily accepted, but it's really just distinguishing her even more.  And I feel horrible about it.

But really, what can I do?  There are only so many annoying habits that a person can have in a small office, without being really, really annoying.  And so, at the moment, I'm just biting my tongue, and rolling my eyes to myself (and occasionally to my coworker also.)  And vowing to give her small tips in a constructive way.  Things that might help the months go by a little more smoothly. 

This is one of those trying moments.  And whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?  So, this will be a good lesson in tolerance, and acceptance.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

It's the simple things in life...

I spent the day watching old movies (Thanks to TCM and my old-school VCR) and working on a baby gift for a good friend.  Also, there was reading involved before the movies and crafting started.

This is my idea of a nearly perfect day.

Also, my parents called to ask me if I wanted to go to dinner.  That made it pretty good also.

If only I could have eaten whatever I wanted, and not gained any weight from it, that would have made it perfect.  Also, if I could just avoid tomorrow being Sunday, the day before I return to work after vacation, that would improve the day also. 

I should probably be happy that today isn't Sunday, right?  At least there's one more day.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Thinking and thoughts

Nothing really exciting today.  I've had thoughts running rampant all day, but never the impulse to get up to put them here.  I should have, really, because then it would be far more interesting than this post.

I finished reading the last of the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants books this afternoon, and started to think about my connections with my friends.  There's a lot of letter writing in that book - at least between Lena and Kostos, which isn't really between the friends, but still makes my point.  I think letter writing is a lost art.  And something that should be more missed than it is.  It's much more personal to have someone's handwriting on a physical page in front of you, than to see a random font on a computer screen.  The words take on more meaning, more emotion with the flow of the script on the page.

That's probably why I also feel more comfortable writing fiction with a notebook and a pen, than directly on to the computer.  The typing is part of the editing process.  When I write with a pen I have less time to think about the process, and less impulse to edit as I go.  Less chance to self-censor.  It's a truer version of what I'm trying to write, even if it's in desperate need of editing.

That's how I feel about letter writing.  You're more likely to write what you actually feel with a pen in your hand, and truer version of it, if you don't have the easier way to edit that's provided by being able to delete your thoughts as you go.  Even if you cross it out in ink, it's still there on the page. 

*shrug*  Maybe I'm just born in a wrong era.  Perhaps I belong back in the 40s, or 50s where there was no internet, no email, not the use of the telephone that there is now. 

Or maybe I can start a new trend.  Try something old, and make it new again. 

Here's to writing a letter.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

It's Wednesday

I went to the dentist today.  This is exceptionally boring considering I've just come back from Las Vegas.

But I still have my memories, right?  And pictures.

Lots and lots of pictures - No, I take that back.  Somehow I can take 400-500 pictures at a 2 hour concert, and I end up with precisely 151 pictures over the course of 4 days.  Figure that one out.  Doesn't seem like that many shots when put that way, does it?

Ah well.  I still have pictures. And memories.

I wonder if the rest of my current life is going to seem boring now that I've seen the randomness and bustle of Vegas?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Memories of Vegas

Just returned from a three and a half day vacation to Las Vegas, Nevada.  I'd never been before and now I firmly believe it's somewhere everyone should experience at least once.  Because without seeing it, you can never, ever believe.

Starting at the beginning - about a year and a half ago, my friend (Shane) called me to tell me that his boyfriend had proposed on New Years Eve.  And that the wedding was probably going to be in Vegas, so he was giving me some warning to save money so that I could be there.  I've been hearing about Vegas from him for years already; it's his favorite place.  The idea of a wedding there was pretty exciting, though I had no idea how great it would be.

Fast forward to this past May: Because I'm a bit of a money idiot, I'm in debt (we all know this already, right?), so I had been waffling on whether or not I'd be able to go.  I really wanted to.  I knew I'd hate myself if I didn't go, but I didn't think I could afford it, and I didn't want to ask my parents to support what amounts to a vacation, just because I was stupid with my money (and because I already owe them a ton.  I call it spending my inheritance in advance.)  So I'm talking to another friend on the phone, sharing some of these thoughts, when she says "We're going to go.  Let's make the plans."  So, with her awesome connections, she contacted the travel agent and we got everything set up between us.  I still ended up having to ask my parents for the money, but I felt better about it.  I think part of my uncertainty was because I was afraid of going by myself.  And the money made a good excuse to wrap it up in a bow.  But once I had a traveling companion (one who'd offered herself, that I didn't have to ask to come with me) it made everything better.

And Flash forward to September 9.  Got up at 4:30 in the morning so we could pick up my traveling companion (Sarah) and get to the airport with some time to spare.  I haven't flown since I was 17, and obviously never with my "bionic" hips, so I was a little anxious about going through security.  But it was all super easy and our plane took off about 15 minutes late - apparently the co-pilot was pulled off of another bearing.  Despite the minor delay, we landed in Vegas about 30 minutes early and it was glorious!  The weather was beautiful!  We didn't check any bags, so we headed straight to our shuttle bus to the hotel - who, incidentally, nearly killed us several times on the trip.  We stayed at the Excalibur, which is definitely not one of the best hotels on the Strip, but was pretty cute from the outside, shaped like a castle (though we commented that it ought to have a moat - a lot of the other hotels had water features; Or a dragon - that would have been great!).  The room, while not fabulous, was serviceable; the smell of smoke permeated everything, even though it was a non-smoking room.  Because smoking is allowed basically everywhere in Nevada, we assume the smell was because it's impossible to walk anywhere without acquiring the smell of smoke yourself, and that would be brought up to the non-smoking room by every single guest.  And it's a hard smell to get rid of.
View from the hotel room window

Anyway, we hadn't eaten since the airport, so once we checked in, we headed to get something to eat (and use the free Wi-Fi in the food court - YEY for free Wi-Fi.) and then wandered a little in the hotel.  We found the pool, and decided to hang out there for a bit before meeting some friends, including the grooms, for drinks/dinner before they went to see the Cirque de Soleil show Zumanity (an amazing show, from what we hear.)  We were meeting them at New York, New York so it was just across the street from Excalibur.  New York New York really does look like a miniature version of New York city.  It's amazing.  It also has a roller coaster that's boarded on the inside of the resort and then runs around the outside, complete with a loop.  Freakin' awesome.  Sarah wanted to ride it, but being completely afraid of heights, I couldn't indulge her.
The lights of Paris resort

For the rest of the night, we walked up the Strip.  It's crazy!  There are "performers" on every corner - either dressed in some sort of sad costume (lots of Ironman, Transformers, Woody from Toy Story, a Jack Sparrow, Batman and Spiderman) waiting for someone to give them money, and then there's the flocks of people wearing T-shirts that say "Girls Girls Girls to your room in 20 minutes or less" and flapping pamphlets on their hands trying to get you to take them.  They were everywhere!  We passed a group of kids trying to be the next Jackson 5 (complete with an adult Joe Jackson type) by lip synching to J5 songs.  At one point, the youngest took the mic.  Singing is not his destiny.

As we wandered we managed to find the ABC Stores, that sell everything!  I mean everything!  Souvenirs to household goods, and also alcohol.  Of course everywhere sells alcohol.  People walk down the Strip with beers/margaritas, etc.. in their hands.  It's such a culture shock for the first few minutes.  And there were people everywhere.  And for someone like me who generally dislikes people in large groups, it took a little getting used to.  But it's definitely part of the charm of the Strip.  Every possible kind of person coexisting.  I definitely see the appeal.

That ended Friday - besides getting some alcohol and ordering a pizza to our hotel room where we promptly crashed.  We had been up since 4:30am our time after all.

Primrose Courtyard - the wedding
Saturday was wedding day.  We decided to take the monorail to the Wynn where the wedding was taking place.  BIG mistake.  We had to walk all the way through the MGM Grand to get to it, first of all.  Then we had to get from the Harrah's/Imperial monorail stop to the Wynn.  We got lost.  Several times.  It was not the best of mornings.  We did make it in time for the wedding though, and it was absolutely gorgeous - despite a little bit of rain, and some rather dramatic thunder.   The Primrose Courtyard was decorated beautifully in white flowers and candles, and the grooms both looked great.  It was a very touching ceremony, including the moments when each in turn pulled out their iPhone/Blackberry to read their vows.  I feel like I should describe so much more here, but I just can't.  It was just beautiful.  And I usually tend toward being less than sentimental. I'm so glad that I got to be a part of it.

After the ceremony there were some pictures and then we were to wait for the Photo Tour arranged for guests to take part in.  We happened across the wedding party and were invited up to see their suite in the Encore (the newest part of the Wynn Resort).  It was an amazing suite, with an amazing view of the Wynn tower of the resort.  It made Sarah and I really notice the downfalls of our room at the Excalibur.  But, as we were later informed, we did not want to know how much was being paid for that room.  It was still gorgeous. 

Then we headed back downstairs to the photo tour - first stop: The Desert.  Which actually turned out to be a vacant lot at the far end of the strip.  It did look kind of desert-like, with the Strip in the background, but it wasn't truly the desert.   There were some more group photos and then the wedding party separated and we headed to the famous "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign.  It's kind of cool.  There was an Elvis impersonator there, complete with his pink Cadillac.  And yes, we did have our picture taken in front of the sign.  We were officially tourists, with the photo to show for it.  While there, we ran into a local couple who had brought out their 4 month old baby. She wasn't wearing a hat, and apparently no sun lotion because she was burnt.  We don't understand parents like that.  She clearly wasn't going to remember the experience.  So, why? 

Chandelier Bar at Cosmopolitan
Next stop on the photo tour was The Bellagio.  We headed over to The Cosmopolitan next door first so that we could check out the Chandelier Bar.  It's 3 or 4 stories tall, and completely strung in chandelier crystals.  Amazing!  I've never seen anything like it.  It would be an amazing experience to sit there, having a drink, looking out at the world through crystal.  Then we went and wandered in The Bellagio.  Stained glass flowers on the ceiling in the lobby, and a flower garden in the centre with thousands of flowers, and more fountains.  Which is only impressive when you note that The Bellagio is the hotel with the dancing fountains in front.  The fountains run every fifteen minutes, but we didn't take time to view them at this point.  We still had Sunday.

After this it was time to head back to the Wynn, and from there we were free for a couple of hours before the reception.  It was being held at Maggiano's ( at the Fashion Show Mall.  So, after taking a few minutes to sit at a patio in the Wynn, we headed over to the Mall and wandered around.  And then we headed in to the reception.

Wedding guests numbered nearly forty people, so we were seated at four tables of 8, uniquely the Mariah table, the Leona table, the Victoria table, and ours the Vanessa table.  There were also signature drinks named after Holly Madison, Mariah Carey, Joan Rivers, Nick Carter, Chord Overstreet and Zac Efron.  (I tried the last three.  Yumm.)  The meal was phenomenal.  A superb selection of Italian items served family style, so we could sample them all.  I tried several things that I've never had before, and found that I loved them all.

It's Britney, bitch!
And then the biggest surprise of the night.  The DJ announces "Britney Spears!"  No, not the real Britney, but a damn good impersonator - technically a drag queen.  It was amazing.  She (he?) put on an amazing performance, and even sang a little him (her?) self.  Very entertaining.  And something that I'm sure I will never, ever see at another wedding again.

The plan after the reception was to head back to the Wynn and go to Tryst, the night club there.  But Sarah and I kind of screwed ourselves out of that plan by not bringing our ID.  Stupid girls.  Anyway, we headed back to our hotel (by cab this time, to avoid getting lost, and walking any further than we had to.  It turned out the cab fare was actually the same amount it cost for each of us to get a day pass on the monorail anyway, so we should have cabbed it in the first place.  Who knew?)

Bellagio dancing fountains
And then it was Sunday.  We didn't have anything specifically planned, but knew we wanted to wander around some more, just take our time.  And we had dinner reservations at Mon Ami Gabi at the Paris resort in the evening.  So, that's what we did.  We saw the Lion Habitat inside the MGM Grand, we went to the Flamingo habitat at the Flamingo (it stinks, literally), watched the fountains at the Bellagio and we wandered around at Caesar's Palace.  We also got to see the largest rain fall that Las Vegas has had in a very long time, as we sat in an outdoor, but thankfully covered, patio at Caesar's.  The rain came down so hard that the drains couldn't keep up.  It was practically flooded.  We watched the fountains at The Bellagio a couple of times, and stared in awe at a few more of the strangely costumed street people.  Then we headed to Paris.  We got a table on the patio, from which we could see the Bellagio fountains lighted at night.  And the meal was, again, amazing, complete with a carafe of Sangria.  We were both completely stuffed when we left the restaurant.  But we enjoyed every mouthful.
Bellagio fountain at night

From there, we headed over to meet Shane and take in the Sirens of TI show show at Treasure Island.  Highly entertaining.   Also highly suggestive, but hey, it's Vegas.  There was singing, dancing, fire and fireworks.  After that, we went to The Mirage, to watch the Volcanoes show.  Also pretty cool.  At this point, we said goodbye to Shane, and headed back to our hotel, knowing that our Vegas vacation was drawing to a close.  We had to get up early to head to the airport for our flight back to reality.

The flight home, while delayed over half an hour, was pretty uneventful.  Several of the others who attended the wedding were also on our flight, which was mildly amusing.  And we also had an idiot who had been on our flight to Vegas, that we both wanted to damage.  And while it was nice to get home, it was also bittersweet.  Vegas is a bit of a magical place.

Random notes:
1) There are no windows in Las Vegas.  It's a bit creepy that everywhere you go is dark.  And completely disorienting.  And of course, smokey.  It was so great to walk the Strip, just for the "fresh" air.  Each hotel had a completely different smell, because most of them pumped in scents with their air to mask the odor of smoke, and people who won't leave the casino to bathe. (Note: there are windows, but only in hotel rooms - everywhere else is void of outdoor influences.  They don't want the loser gamblers to be able to jump.)
2) We liked seeing the older couples who seemed to walk everywhere holding hands.  On the outside, it's sweet.  But then you wonder, maybe they're just doing it for fear of losing each other in the crowds. 
3) Why would anyone take children to a place like Las Vegas.  a) There's very little for them to do there - it is adult Disneyland after all.  b) Mostly everything to see has some content that's inappropriate for children - including the outfits on the waitresses.
4) It's disturbing to see people who had major health ailments (ie: oxygen tanks) sitting in a casino for hours on end.  And half of them were lighting up cigarettes at the same time.  I'm just left shaking my head in wonder.
5) Anyone can be a street performer.  Cotton Candy was the most amusing - a large black man, done up as a showgirl, shaking what his momma gave him.  Awesome!
6) Vegas weddings do not have to be either cheesy, or spur of the moment.  I say beautiful and classy, all the way.  Plus Britney.

More photos available here: Vegas Photos 2011

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


I'm obsessed with a song.  This, in itself is not shocking.  I regularly become obsessed with the new Backstreet Boys, or Nick Carter, or Gavin Degraw.

This time, however, I am obsessed with Maroon 5.  Moves Like Jagger.  Awesome.  I listen to it repeatedly.

LOVE IT!   Seriously hoping for some more new Maroon 5 soon.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Reading a book

And with this, I go back to my sofa - with my book.


Friday, September 2, 2011

It's Friday, Friday...

Thank Goodness it's Friday is not just a cliched phrase, it's a mantra where I work.

I know, there's a lot of people that can say that.  I'm not alone.  But it's okay, everyone's allowed to vent.

And this week wasn't really that bad.  The boss will be on vacation next week, and I'm on vacation after that (with a friend's wedding coming up too) so it's all good.  There's lots of chances to relax.

Tomorrow I'm going to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 (again - for the 5th time) at the Imax before it's gone from the theatre.  That's exciting.  And since we're going to be in the States anyway, maybe we'll stop and I can buy some real Hershey's chocolate (the Canadian kind just isn't as good)  and if I'm REALLY lucky, maybe some Cherry Coke, since they don't make it here anymore.

That would make for a really good day.  And I'm doing it all with a good friend, and my mom.

Simple things are fab!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Thinking and thoughts

I'm tired.  In both the literal and figurative sense.

I'm finding it hard to be at work, and watch other people come and go, and to still be there. It makes me think that I'm stuck.  In a rut maybe.  Or that my destiny is to be there.  Forever.   Or that I'm not worthy of anything better.  And that's just depressing.  And then I fall into self-pity mode.   And that's not healthy.  I know it.  But I can't seem to stop it.  It's just there, right in front of me.  This horrible dread that just sits there, taunting me, saying I can't do any better than what I'm doing right now.

And I know this is a horrible way to feel.  I should be grateful for what I have: a steady job, with good benefits, and people that I don't hate working with.  And I manage to almost, kind of, support myself.  Even though I've got debt.  If I didn't have the debt then I'd be supporting myself.

And I have good friends.  And I should just be happy.

But right now, I'm just not.  And I'll probably feel better in the morning.  But it's hard to stop the thoughts that just roll around in my head.  Day after day.  All the time.

And I'll take a deep breath, and it'll all be fine.


Wednesday, August 31, 2011

If I think about it hard enough...

... can I make it happen?

Some people would say yes.  There are people out there who believe that if you believe strongly enough in something, if you put all of your effort into think about the way something should be, or the way it should happen, that you can indeed make it happen that way.

I'm not sure I believe in this theory, because I've never seen evidence of it myself.  But then, if I don't really believe it could happen, that probably taints how much effort I'm putting into the actual thought, and so I don't have the "juice" so to speak to make it happen.  Know what I mean?  So, how does one prove that something actually can happen, if that person isn't quite sure that it's possible, and so takes some of the effort out of making it happen.  It's a never ending circle.

Maybe this is a situation where I need to try meditation or another way to make myself more mindful.  It would probably lift my basic mood, and make things seem as if they're happening just because I'm concentrating on wishing for them to happen, when really it's all about positive energy.

I don't know if I'm making any sense.  This is becoming more like a stream of consciousness kind of thing - typing any thought that comes to mind in this basic theme...

Maybe if I think about it enough, I can puzzle it out.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Trying something new

I want to blog.  Really I do.  But often I find that while I want to write, I don't really have anything worth spending the time writing, or that anyone would likely spend the time writing.  And I acknowledge that I am not actually writing for anyone but myself, but it seems so silly to do something publicly if it's not something that deserves to be public.

Anyway, I'm trying to plan ways to make myself a more fulfilled blogger.  I like words, and I like to use words to express myself.  I just need a topic on which to expand.  And so, that brings me to my something new.

I want to plan a theme (for lack of a better word) for each day of the week.  I may never share what the pattern is, and it may never seem obvious to anyone but me, but that doesn't really matter.  It's really just meant to act as a prompt for me; to give me a reason or an excuse to write something.  Anything.  For example, I'm labelling today (though not necessarily every Monday) Motivational Monday, because this post is about motivating myself.

See what I'm doing there?  It may work, if I can come up with the right particular framing for each day of the week.  Part of the issue is, as always, giving myself permission to stop whatever I happen to be doing at any time and make notes on something I may want to write about later.  There are a multitude of things that go through my head in a day, that I could write about, but by the time I get to writing they seem mostly all just wisps of thought.

Hopefully, this will be a way to keep myself more aware of what goes on in and around my life.  I need to be more observant, more aware, more mindful of my life. It seems so much of it just passes me by.  The point of the blog is to at least try to capture some of these moments, or thoughts before they're gone.  Kind of like capturing lightning bugs in a jar.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Hard work

Alright, so I'm trying to be more optimistic. Less volatile, if you can call it that, really. And just overall more pleasant, for myself, and for everyone around me, not just toward customers.

And dammit, it's hard work to be in a good mood. I'm not really sure that I'm doing it right, if it's going to be this much work. But I've never been super-up happy person before so I don't know.

And I think that's about all I've got for today.

Anybody got any suggestions on how to be happy?

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Death Star Canteen

it's been around forever, but it never gets old - highly amusing

"I'll kill you with a tray"

Random observation

There are an inordinate amount of blogs about families (kind of like that Christmas newsletter everyone gets from that one family member, only in blog form) and also Religious/Youth group blogs.

And somehow when I push "Next blog" these two kinds are always the next blog.

Why do these have anything to do with me?

Starting over

I've come to a conclusion: No one else is going to try to make me happier.

This may seem obvious to... well, everyone. But this is new to me. I'm not particularly unhappy in most of the aspects of my life. There is definitely room for improvement in every part, but I'm not hanging off a ledge by my fingernails or anything. I just think there's space to grow.

I should probably start from the statement that I'm currently reading "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. This is partially because it was recommended to me by someone I trust on the subject of books, and partially because I knew I wanted to make some kind of change in my life. I just wasn't clear on what that change should be all about.

I've been trying to make a work-related change for a while now. This is not news. It's just a tough market, and I'm not particularly skilled at anything beyond being a glorified administrative assistant or a quality control lab technician at this point. And neither of these things seem like the way to make my work life happier. So I've been trying to expand my search. And I think in the interim, during the time that I'm waiting for all those companies to start banging down my door, clamoring for me to come and work for them, I should try to be happier where I am.

Which is not precisely what I'm going to do. I'm going to concentrate, instead, on making every other part of my life more fulfilling, in an effort to counterbalance the misery of my current job.

Make sense?

I haven't yet come up for a plan for this but the book is giving me great ideas. I know I need to keep in better contact with the my friends - strengthen the relationships, because people with stronger social bonds tend to be happier. I also know that I need to take better care of myself - get more sleep, exercise more, eat better; even simple things like remembering to wash my face before I go to bed. And I know that I need to eliminate clutter. I live amidst organized chaos, and it's not particularly peaceful, or settling. And definitely not happy-making.

So those are the three current goals. Maybe by the end of this particular bout of self-discovery I'll actually be able to be outwardly optimistic, still keeping my inward pessimism, instead of being outwardly pessimistic with a hint of optimism.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Something for someone who's not me...

Well, it's kind of for me. But not really. I'm walking in the Father's Day Walk for Prostate Cancer. Please sponsor me.

Thanks. (search for L. Dahm)

Safeway Father’s Day Walk/Run for Prostate Cancer

Sunday, April 10, 2011


Okay, so I'm obviously being a slacker with this blog lately. Mostly because there's not a whole lot to say.

Financially, things are basically the same. I have to be really careful with everything I spend. I do have amazing friends, who are making things easier by figuring out plans for me. Like the friend who has decided that she's going to come to my other friend's wedding in Vegas, because she knows a travel agent and we'll maybe get a better deal, and well for me, if I'm splitting a hotel room that makes it cheaper. So amazing!!

I also have amazing parents. I lost my Ipod Touch just over a week ago, and was kind of depressed about it. I have no idea where it got lost; I swore it was in my purse and then it wasn't and it's just gone. But my parents replaced it. I didn't ask them to. In fact, I said I didn't want them to because I already owe them a lot, but they did and I very much appreciate it, because I was feeling very lost without it. It's amazing how attached we get to our technology.

Otherwise there's really nothing going on. NKOTBSB released a single this week. It's pretty awesome. So I'm looking forward to the tour even more now. And another friend pre-ordered the album for me, for my birthday, so that's exciting.

On the job front, there's nothing new. I'm still struggling to control my frustrations, and the changes that it makes in my personality are not pleasing, but for now, it's a paycheck and I just have to suck it up. Everyone isn't always happy. I just have to deal with that. I should be grateful I have a job. I know. But that's precisely all it is. A job. There is nothing else it can be. As everyone tells me, the next best thing will come. And I know that. Everything happens for a reason. I'll survive. Hardship makes you stronger, right? It'll make me more appreciative in the future.

Right now, I'm just being grateful for my friends and my family and my books that allow to escape on a regular basis.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Alright, so I mentioned earlier that I was reading The Great Gatsby, because I have this goal to read a bunch of the novels that most people read in school, but somehow I never had to. The latest on this list is Catcher in the Rye. And, honestly, between these two novels I'm completely confused as to why we study these things. I'm apparently just missing something, because I'm not seeing anything worth studying in either of those books.

This really just makes me wonder why people think the books that I really enjoy are just "fluff". At least I get something out of them. So far in Catcher in the Rye, all I want to do is strangle Holden Caulfield. Though, wait... maybe that's the point? Is it? Because isn't this the book that the guy who killed John Lennon was reading? That he said drove him to do it? Maybe dude just got really confused and pissed off at Holden and shot John instead?....

Seriously, I really just don't get it... Anybody got any explanations?

Oh, remember you can see my reading time line here:
(Psst... there's also a widget on the right side of the page, anytime you wanna check it out...)

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

It's March

There are so many reasons why this is bad, not the least of which is that it means my birthday is almost upon us. I'm not anti-birthday, I'm not afraid of getting older, but I dislike realizing that I'm starting another year in an unhappy place. I'm just not at the place in my life that I'd like to be at the age that I am.

I know that's really all on me. It's not anyone else's fault. And at some points in the last month I thought I was making changes. Unfortunately, those things didn't come to fruition. And I'm still working on it. But my birthday often becomes an excuse for me to wallow in the unhappiness that I try to ignore every other moment.

I don't know, maybe I'm just overly sensitive about the whole thing. But I watch friends, and others, moving ahead with their lives, and then I see mine, seemingly stagnant and it's frustrating. I don't think I'm any less worthy of the good, nor do I think I work any less at trying to make my life better. And yet, here I sit. And there's nothing particularly wrong with where I am, it's just not where I'd like to be.

And on that note, the melancholy sets in, and I'll spend the rest of the night mulling it all over, and trying to think my way out of it.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Currently reading

The Great Gatsby

For some reason, I never had to read this in school, even though pretty much every other person I know has memories of reading it. And I'm making my way through this relatively short book, thinking, wow, they really read this in school? It seems very different from the kinds of things I read in school. I can't put my finger on it exactly, but it's definitely not like anything I read. Because of this, I may have to find something that explains to me how it's taught in school. Just for curiosity sake. I'm enjoying the book, but I can't see how it was studied. I'd probably be better off if I didn't know that it was, because often, in my experience, I don't read into a book the things that teachers/instructors are looking for.

That particular trait changed my perspective on school a bit. In eleventh grade, we were reading Hamlet. When I gave my opinion on a particular passage, my teacher actually told me that I was wrong. My question at the time, though I didn't voice it, was how did she know I was wrong? Shakespeare is dead. We have no idea exactly what he was thinking when he wrote the play. Maybe he didn't think any of the things that they teach us about when they're dissecting his plays. That's why, and yes, this will sound enormously dorky, I prefer to read Shakespeare on my own now. To go back and re-read the things that I was forced to read in high school. Because I find that I get so much more out of the stories now, than when I was forced to look for all the metaphors, and foreshadowing and everything else. Plays should be read for the feeling you get from them, not for all the minutiae ... and I think I just spelled that wrong. (Just to finish the story, I never again gave an opinion in that class. Completely stopped discussing. Teacher wasn't impressed.)

Anyway, so yes, if there's anyone out there reading this blog (is there anyone out there reading this blog?) who has an opinion or thought on The Great Gatsby, I'd be happy to hear it. It may actually be one of the few books, I'd prefer to discuss rather than to just enjoy in my own head.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

My 14 year old self...

Someone asked the question today, if you had 3 minutes to talk to your 14-year-old self, what would you tell her?

I didn't really have to think very hard about it. I know exactly what I'd tell her. But I also know that she wouldn't listen to me, because I had to learn this lesson through the experiences later in life.

I'd tell her not to care about what other people said or thought about her. To be herself. Because by being the person she thought people wanted her to be, she lost herself. And it took a while to get that person back. And it's still a work in progress, some twenty years later.

But I know, that's part of the process of life, right? And the things you go through are what make you who you are, and every thing changed makes something else different. So, maybe if I were able to give her that advice, everything would be completely different. And not necessarily in a way that would be better.

Saturday, February 19, 2011


I'm not sure what I'm posting today. No major events in my life, which is not unusual, though is getting highly redundant. Or repetitive. My language skills are off today.

I did manage to consolidate the greater majority of my debt. This is good. One payment instead of 3 is nice. It relieves a lot of stress. And helps with the goal of budgeting. Though now I'm on a tighter budget because I no longer have any credit products. But it's nice to think that I can live actually on the money that I'm bringing in, instead of putting it on a card. Which is stupid, because even when I had the cards I could have done that. I just wasn't forced to the way that I am now.

So, my forms of entertainment, now that I'm living on a major budget, are: reading the books I already own, watching the cable that I already pay for, using the internet that I already pay for, exercising using the DVDs and equipment that I already own, and cleaning. These are all things that relate to my resolutions, so this is good. Everything comes together sometimes.

Now, if only I could work out what I'm doing with the rest of my life, instead of being bitter and angry where I am, everything would be great! ; P

Monday, February 7, 2011

I thought...

I don't really know what I thought. That my life was getting better. That things were changing. That... oh hell, I don't know.

Everything is always so melancholy for me. I shouldn't complain. There's nothing really bad. There's just nothing really good either. And so, the melancholy.

And for some reason, I thought there was something different happening this week. And here I am today, in the same place I was last week. And wishing things were different. And not knowing how to make that happen when everything relies on other people. I can only make so many changes for myself. And there's the complaining again.

And so I'll stop talking. And I'll wish that I could stop thinking. Just for a little while.
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Saturday, February 5, 2011

Sometimes it does pay to answer telemarketing calls!

Let me preface the actual story by saying that I have online billing with Rogers Cable for my internet/home phone/cable. They're supposed to send me email notifications when the bill is ready to view. I haven't gotten a notification for this month's bill, and the bill is actually due next week. So I filled in one of those "contact us" notification forms on the Rogers website. Didn't really think anything of it. Until....

I'm sitting at home last night (only about 3 hours after I filled in the form, mind you) when the phone rings, and I can see that it's some random 888 number, so it's going to be telemarketing of some kind. I debated not answering, because more often than not these calls are from Rogers trying to make me change my wireless to them. But I caved and I answered the phone. The woman on the other end says, very politely, and in completely flawless English, something about Rogers valuing their customers and how they're checking to see that people have no concerns, complaints or similar. And I thought, huh, that's interesting and decided to tell her that yes, I did have one issue, and told her about not receiving the notifications. She started to ask me to wait a few days to see if it came, but when I told her the bill was actually due this week, she checked further, and said yes, I should have received it by now, and that they'd be glad to do something to make up for that inconvenience. She made a note in my file that I hadn't been receiving the notifications, and then asked me how I was enjoying The Movie Network. I thought, well, that's an odd question, but I told her that I liked it a lot, and that I had often thought of getting rid of it, but that's always when some new bunch of movies that I wanted to see would show up. I just wished there was a more economical way to have The Movie Network.

Now, this is where the interesting part is: The next thing she says to me is, "Well, how would you like The Movie Network free for 12 months." I was kind of surprised. I figured when she started that sentence that she was going to say 1 month. But no, she clearly said 12. And this is all just because I didn't get an email notification about my bill. I said that would be fabulous! The only catch is that I have to keep my cable for 12 months. That's not really a catch for me, because the only thing I would switch to would be Bell satellite, and I can't have it here in my building.

So, ultimately, just because I didn't get the email notification about my bill, I am now saving almost $240 over the next year with Rogers.

And THAT is why it sometimes pays to answer telemarketing calls.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


So, I've been back at work for 1 week and 2 days, and today, I have a snow day. That's pretty cool. It's kind of like a bonus vacation day. We didn't get as much snow as they were predicting (I don't think we did anyway. Doesn't look like it from here, inside.) However, it was very, very windy this morning, and considering that I have to drive along country highway/road I just really didn't want to get stuck half way between home and work with zero visibility. So I didn't go. Now it's snowing some more, so I'm very glad I didn't go, because who wants to get stuck at work.

Anyway, I'm planning to use the rest of today to do some cleaning. I need to vacuum, and clean up some dishes. That kind of thing. I did already do something productive - I walked 1 mile. Exercise! Isn't that impressive? Anyway, that's on my other blog.

Anyway, it's noon, I need to eat, and then got busy on those chores, that I want to take care of.

Saturday, January 29, 2011


Not so much a dilemma actually, but a conundrum. Or just confusion.

I have this feeling, that I need to be more spiritual. That I need to pay more attention to the small details in life. That I am, in essence, letting my life slip by, because I concentrate on the things that I don't like, rather than on the things that I should be happy about. And I think I need to do something about that. The problem, or question, is how to do that. What does it mean for me to be more spiritual?

I was raised presbyterian, and we did go to church on a semi-regular basis. At least, until I started figure skating and the competitions were on weekends and we'd be out of town, or just too tired from a late Saturday night to get up to go to church in the morning. Sometimes I think that was probably a bad thing for me. Maybe I'd have a better sense of self, if I had a better sense of what religion is.

But maybe that's just an excuse. I really do know what I believe. And I have a strong sense of how I feel about organized religion. To put it simply, I don't understand the need to gather in order to affirm what you believe in. If I believe something, I believe it, whether or not I get together once a week with people who believe the same thing as me. I also believe that the Bible is a great book of stories, that can give us guidance in how to live life, but that it's not a "rule book" for how to live. I also don't think everything in it is strictly true. How could it be? The stories were passed down for many generations before they were written down and it's been translated so many times that it couldn't possibly be exactly the way it was originally. Have you ever played a game of telephone? Things get changed/re-interpreted. So I choose to believe in it. But not to live as though it's the law.

I've chosen to label myself an agnostic. I believe there is a higher power, but I don't know what that is, nor do I know how much control he/she/it has over how we live our lives. I also think that there probably is a grand scheme, but that there is also a lot of free will. So maybe there are options along the way, but eventually they all lead to the same end? I don't really know. I can't be an atheist because I do believe in something, and I can't, with any conscience consider myself a Presbyterian (though I am technically a full-fledged member of the church) because I'm not sure that I follow the entirety of the beliefs.

Which is where my need for more spirituality comes in. I guess, it's not a need for spirituality in the form of religion, but maybe it's a need to learn more to see where I fit into the grand picture. To figure out if what I believe actually makes sense. So, maybe it's a need for education in a spiritual realm. Maybe I need to read about all the major religions, and the minor ones to find things out. To educate myself. Just to learn. Somewhere in all the writings there has to be something that I could glean from that.

I know, I'm not the first person to have these thoughts. And I'm not the first person to set myself on some kind of journey of self-exploration. But I'm the first me to do this. And that makes it a new experience for me. I don't really where to start, but I do know that I need to do something.

Friday, January 28, 2011

First week down...

... and where do I go from here?

I went back to work this week. After 3 months of lazing about at home, on disability after my surgery. Wow, I may downplay what I do, but it's tiring being at work. And actually having to get up in the morning is completely for the birds. Especially when it's freakin' winter outside, and you have to clean off the car! That's insanity! Why do we put ourselves through this? Oh. Ya. I almost forgot about the paycheck and the needing to live thing.

Anyway, nothing's really changed at work. It's still the same place I remember when I left. Except that well, things changed. Nothing exciting changed. And nothing is really any better, but things changed. And I have to make adjustments for that, which is fine. I'm not afraid of change, nor do I dislike change, assuming that a) I haven't previously suggested making these changes, only to have been turned down, or b) I understand why we're doing things that way. I like reason and logic. And if I don't understand, I have a hard time just doing something because I'm being told that's what I should be doing. I don't know what it is about my brain chemistry, but I just balk at that.

There is some good news, in a world semi-adjacent to mine. One of my friends got a new job, that she really, really wanted. And I'm so excited for her, because she's been looking for something like this that would put her in a position similar. So yey! And well, now I'm thinking it's my turn. All my friends are in places that they like. And somehow I'm still here. And eventually, my world has to become a place that I enjoy right? Because otherwise I'm not sure who I pissed off up in that great expanse of ether to have gotten this lot in life. I'll just keep trying, and something's gotta turn up eventually.

In other good news, which sounds really dorky, my mom told me last night, that somehow she managed to get my grandmother's good china dishes for me. I mentioned years ago, that if there was an opportunity, I'd kind of like to have them, since I don't have good dishes and they'd be a nice thing to have. I never expected that I would ever actually get them. And yet, there are Rubbermaid bins at my mother's house right now with the dishes in them. It's crazy. So now, I have to find a place to store them. And well, I have to plan a dinner party of some kind so that I have some use for them. They're pretty. And not something anyone would ever expect me to actually own, because they're dainty with pink flowers. But they were my grammy's and that just is important.

And now, I think I need to go because "An Idiot Abroad" is on, and I need to concentrate on the stupidity, so that I don't miss anything. :)


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Officially rejoining the world

I have been home from work for 12 weeks as of today. Well, really, 12 weeks ago today I was in surgery. I had the appointment yesterday that gave me back my life. I'm okay to drive, to go back to work - to rejoin the world. And you know? I don't really want to. I kind of like being in my little coccoon, where I can read, watch television or movies, and only go out when I want to. It's ideal for someone who isn't generally all that fond of the majority of people.

But I guess, since to exist in the world it does require income for things like food, heat, electricity, then I guess I actually do have to make the effort to go back. Or win the lottery. That would work out too.

I think that's it for today. I have today, and the next 3 days, plus the weekend to continue to enjoy my hermit-like lifestyle. I'm going back to my couch in front of the fire with my book. It's a good, cozy place.

Friday, January 7, 2011


I'm currently having a bit of a crisis, mentally.

I've applied for a job. One that I would very much like to at least get an interview for. Part of me believes that I should think positively, and ask everyone I know for their positivity, so that it sends positive vibes out into the world. (IE: "I WILL get an interview, I will do well at the interview, I will get this job!".)

The other part of me doesn't want to get ahead of myself, doesn't want to tell anyone, and doesn't want to even think about it for fear of jinxing it. This part of me is also the part that says "You won't get the job anyway, so why think about it?" and "They've probably already called the people they're going to call, so you're just completely out of luck, nobody will hire you." This is the part of me that has a lot of past experience, as I barely ever get an interview for any job that I've applied for.

All of this is generally followed by "What if I get an interview? I suck at interviews, what if I screw it up, even though it's actually the perfect job for the experience I have?" This part, I know, is self-destructive. And I can only pray that it's not a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What should I be doing? How should I be convincing myself that I actually have a chance? Should I be telling people to cross their fingers for me? I know the negativity is bad, but it's hard to avoid, given past circumstances. How should I handle the internal struggle? Right now, all I do is think positively, and then admonish myself for it, and then go back to passionately hoping for an interview. It's driving me crazy. Well, crazier than I was to start with.

*sigh* I don't know exactly what to do? Any thoughts?

Saturday, January 1, 2011


I started, about an hour ago, to watch the movie "Nine" with Daniel Day Lewis, Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz, Kate Hudson, Fergie. To say the least, I am confused. I get that he plays a director, who has a wife, and many girlfriends/mistresses. But the random singing puts you in and out of the current scene, and I guess it's supposed to be his subconscious or something, but it's just not flowing at all for me. I will admit to kind of enjoying the burlesque aspect of it, because as a genre it's kind of interesting, but ... I just don't know...

Did anyone see it? Did it make sense? Should I be giving it more of a chance?

Happy new year!

Just a short post to ring in the new year. And confirm that I still plan to keep my resolutions. In fact, the sewing one has already started. And I've already started thinking about the healthier eating. Oh, and when the year turned I was halfway through Gone With The Wind, so that counts as my first book of the year.

So, cheers to 2011. May it bring all the happiness that we're searching for. :)
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