Friday, January 7, 2011


I'm currently having a bit of a crisis, mentally.

I've applied for a job. One that I would very much like to at least get an interview for. Part of me believes that I should think positively, and ask everyone I know for their positivity, so that it sends positive vibes out into the world. (IE: "I WILL get an interview, I will do well at the interview, I will get this job!".)

The other part of me doesn't want to get ahead of myself, doesn't want to tell anyone, and doesn't want to even think about it for fear of jinxing it. This part of me is also the part that says "You won't get the job anyway, so why think about it?" and "They've probably already called the people they're going to call, so you're just completely out of luck, nobody will hire you." This is the part of me that has a lot of past experience, as I barely ever get an interview for any job that I've applied for.

All of this is generally followed by "What if I get an interview? I suck at interviews, what if I screw it up, even though it's actually the perfect job for the experience I have?" This part, I know, is self-destructive. And I can only pray that it's not a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What should I be doing? How should I be convincing myself that I actually have a chance? Should I be telling people to cross their fingers for me? I know the negativity is bad, but it's hard to avoid, given past circumstances. How should I handle the internal struggle? Right now, all I do is think positively, and then admonish myself for it, and then go back to passionately hoping for an interview. It's driving me crazy. Well, crazier than I was to start with.

*sigh* I don't know exactly what to do? Any thoughts?

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