Deep breaths

So, it's September 1.  Labour day.

For most people, it's not really the start of anything new.  It's not a new year, unless you're a kid going back for the start of a new school year.

I'm taking the opportunity, though I'm not really starting a new year - to call New Year.  It's a fresh start.  I'm going to start eating better, begin a new exercise habit, and try to keep a neater house.  I didn't get everything accomplished yesterday that I wanted to start this way, but maybe it's part of the process to get myself to that place.  I need to re-organize a few things, and get rid of some junk food that it's the house, but I'm starting with a different mind-set and that's important.

I don't have explicit goals to put down here - I just want to improve.  I want to make myself better, which in turn might make my life better.   Control what I can in a way, since I have no control over certain other aspects of my life. If I make myself feel more in control of what I can control, I'll probably be happier.  And maybe I'll feel less like I have no direction.

It's a journey, right?

I'm going to start taking yoga classes again.  This is going to be what I do for myself for my birthday.  My boss found a 2 week pass to the yoga studio I had previously researched (and never actually attended) in a local Business magazine, and so now I have no excuse to not go for at least two weeks.  So I've checked out the class schedule, and have mapped out 3 classes this weekend that can work for me (all beginner, only one hot, which makes me feel better because seriously, I don't sweat enough without the room being all freakin hot?!?)

Hopefully I can keep myself motivated to actually go to these classes, and keep the intimidation factor as low as possible.

It's official

I am a horrible blogger. And I can't follow an easy resolution to improve myself. Wow.

So, it's the beginning of my 39th year, and ouch, does that seem old.  It's not bad enough that the number is scarey, but the day after my birthday, I wake up with the most painful pain in my elbow that I have ever felt in my life, inclusive of my hip pain from a few years ago.  You do not know how much an elbow can hurt, until it does.  And you don't realize how important elbows are until they're so painful you can't use them.

But, after two days of heat and cold, that seems to have worked itself mostly out, and now my new year begins.  I don't have a lot of time left until I'm forty, and I want to make sure that I make myself healthier before then.  The years on the down side of the hill need to be my best, not the lazy slide into whatever lurks at the bottom.  So, with that in mind, I've begun another exercise routine.  It's not really any different than last year, but I'm going to try it again.  And I'm tracking my food, so maybe that will make the difference. I've been doing the tracking for a while already, so I already have that habit, now I'll just be able to see how the exercise affects the food intake as well.  And maybe something will trigger a change in how things have been working.

In other news, I'm more than half way through my Human Resources course, and after achieving 85% on my midterm, and suffering through a group project, I think I should come out the other end fairly well.  The next thing is to figure out where the money is coming from to take two more classes in the next semester.  If I can take two classes for each of the next 3 semesters, I can have earned my Human Resource Management Certificate in a little bit over a year from now. That's pretty exciting.  But I have to find the money...

I'm doing well with reading this year, well on pace to reach my goal of 45 books.  Depending on the books of course.  And since one of those books was actually a series of 9 books, I'm actually well ahead of the goal.  I'm trying to mix contemporary books and classics, fiction and non-fiction, fluff and substance, but I think I tend to be a little more toward the contemporary, fluffy fiction than anything else.

And so, I think this post is probably well over-long enough and I'll stop now.  I will try to put a few thoughts in here on a regular basis.  But I've said that before.  We'll see how long it lasts.

Perfect! Not even a month

So, I'm told that I don't blog often enough (I believe the thought was that I don't blog often enough for particular people to spy on me, but that's okay - at least I know somebody cares)  And now, here it is December 31, 2012 - the last day of the year, so it's time for the year-end wrap up.

And really, in the basest sense, this year was really the same as the last.  I'm at the same job, I live in the same place, I know the same people.  I watched another friend get married in September (third in a row for that one) and well... nothing really changes.

I think this year should be different.  Something has to change eventually right?

I'm signed up to take a continuing ed course at the local college to improve my knowledge base and maybe help in the ongoing job search.  I'm planning to continue my attempt at self-improvement with being more fit, and I want to be just a better person in general.  Less cynical, more optimistic.  Just better.

I need to read more, watch TV less.  Be less concerned that I'm being a bother to other people, be more confident.  Be more me without worrying what other people think.  I want to be more intelligent - not in a snooty way, I just want to use my brain more.  Be more productive.  For myself and society.  Maybe I should do something charitable.

There's a lot that I could do to make myself better.  But I think I need to sit down and  be more organized, in general.  Get rid of clutter, in my place, my life, my brain.  There's so much that could help.

I don't think I'll do my first of the year post this year.  This one has pretty much covered everything.  I'm going to blog more though, so maybe that will make up for no January 1 post.  And maybe I'll be less worried about what I'm writing here.  It should be what I'm thinking right?  Not in a mean way, and not in a way that I wouldn't post if it wasn't so anonymous, just in a less concerned that I'm being judged way.  Just to be more real.

And with that, my 2013 New Year resolutions:
1) blog more
2) save more/budget better
3) be more fit

And on that note, I think I'm done.

Happy New Year!

And more than a month goes by....

I've thought about posting a lot in the last few weeks.  I don't know why I haven't.  My excuse is that I was keeping up with my fitness blog, on which I finally accomplished something, even if it's not actually what I was going for.

So, in the past two months - let's see what's happened.

I was maid of honour in a friend's wedding.  And the pictures, all of the ones with me in them, are horrid.  I do not photograph well.  But I already knew that, so we move on.   It was a beautiful ceremony and a great day over all.  And then she and her new husband went off on a Mediteranean Cruise.  Add to that, my aunt was also off on a Mediteranean cruise at the same time.  And another friend went on a Disney Cruise.  Talk about a week or so of complete and total envy.

Work ... sucks.  But not because of the job, or because of anyone actually physically in the building.  Politics are winning out.  It's a miserable culture in that town right now, and we all feel fairly harassed by people who are supposed to be supporting us, and who give us the direction that they're trying to say isn't right.  It's so difficult.  Add that to the idea that I'm not particularly thrilled to still be there anymore anyway, and the week's just continue to get longer, and longer.  And the week-ends are far too short.

I've gotten a seasonal position with Northern Reflections again this year.  Not as desperate for the spare money this year, as I was last year, but if I can use it to buy Christmas gifts, that will be wonderful.  And working for the same person this year, in the same place and she was lovely, so it should be a good deal.

Other than that... I don't think I've got anything to report.  NaNoWriMo starts in a few days, so I'm hoping I can do that again this year, but I tend to have good intentions and then end up with nothing less than two weeks in.  Maybe I can find some writing discipline this year.  It's not like I don't have the ideas, I just have trouble making them become something cohesive on the page.

And my new mantra - though I'm still working on changing it - is: I'm not fat.  I have fat. I was able to complete my goal of walking 365 miles.  Finished it on Wednesday, in 298 days.  That's pretty good.  So I gave myself 4 days off, before I start a new routine on Monday.   I need to give myself random goals though, in order to accomplish anything.  I can't just have abstract things like "exercise every day."  There has to be an end goal.  Right now, I'm going for a month long plan.  I need to make it through that plan.  Beyond that, I'll have to figure out something else.  But I'm not looking beyond it right now.  Just like I didn't look beyond my 365 mile goal when I was working on that one.  And I do feel more fit than I did before I started.  And I have a bit of a workout ethic now, which is saying something.  I haven't lost the weight I was hoping for, but at least if I'm healthier that's positive.

And I think I'm done rambling for now.  Hopefully, I can keep up on this blog a little more now that I'm not blogging as often elsewhere.

Trying to keep up with my life

There's not really a lot to keep up with - as in not a whole lot has happened - I just have trouble remembering to document anything that does happen.

Let's see.... since my last post, what's happened.  *crickets*

That's what I thought.

My dad and I walked in the Father's Day Walk/Run for Prostate Cancer Canada.  It was held, aptly, on Father's Day.  My mom was supposed to walk as well, but after a health scare earlier in the week, we basically told her she wasn't allowed to and dad and I continued on without her, while she performed as photographer for us.  Together, we all raised just over $1,400 and dad and I finished the walk in just under an hour, about 10 minutes faster than last year.  We all say we're going to continue doing this particular 5k walk for as long as we are physically able.  Which means, somewhere down the line, I will be walking alone...

I'm going to see Corey Hart perform live next weekend.  To most, this would not be exciting.  To me, it's a childhood dream.  Corey Hart was my first ever celebrity crush.  It began at the age of 8.  And because I was so young, I have never had the opportunity to see him live.  On my list of dream concerts, he's always been there, but toward the bottom of the list because he doesn't do music anymore.  He retired from touring and making records to raise his children. Which I can totally respect. It's definitely a valid choice.  It just made me sad that I would never have the opportunity.  Until now.  Apparently, some local(ish) DJ approached him to remix one of his songs, and Corey said yes.  And it's now become a kind of Pride anthem, so he's performing as part of the Pride Festival.  Which y'know, is a little odd, given that he's straight and all, but that's okay.  I'm going to see Corey Hart live!  And I don't have any issues with going to Pride to do it.  I've been at Pride for much less of a reason than that before.

The next day, my friend and I are heading to Niagara Falls because she hasn't been in a very long time and would like to do a few of the touristy things.  She's coming with me to the concert, so it's a perfect way to combine the two things.  And we're both on vacation starting that week so it's perfect!  It should be a good few days.  So excited!!

In other updates:
I've begun going to a chiropractor, and I feel pretty good about it.  I was having muscle issues in my right shoulder blade area and had been having recurring headaches that I could not get to go away.  Since seeing the chiropractor I've had only one headache, and I think that it was caused by the adjustment and my body adjusting to the new position.  Otherwise I've been doing really well.  She's given me some exercises to do on my own as well, and those are also very helpful.

My weight loss goals are not going as well as I had hoped - I'm stuck at about 12 pounds lost - but I do feel healthier.  I feel good about myself knowing that I'm being more active.  And maybe my metabolism will at some point realize that I'm not going to stop walking and get itself in gear.  There's no reason for it to be sluggish.  I'm not starving to death, clearly.

I have a "face-to-face" for what could be a very interesting job opportunity on Wednesday.  Part of me is freaking out because of the circumstances that make it interesting, and part of me is being very passive.  Shrugging my shoulders and saying "Eh.  Whatever happens, happens."  It's a weird situation for me.  I'm generally quite high-strung about prospective job stuff.  I desperately want to find something new, and it's a very bad idea to let a prospective employer know that you want it desperately.  So perhaps this will go better because I don't have that same feeling.

Some days I feel kind of like I'm drowning in the non-ness of my life.  (Yes, I just made up that word.)  I don't really do anything much, but I feel like I have no time to do anything, because I never get anything accomplished.  It's a bit scarey.  I'm hoping that maybe I can change my attitude a little if I change some of my current situations.  I need to make changes, I think my psyche is scared that I'll end up somewhere worse than I am now.  I'm too comfortable here.  Even though I'm not really comfortable at all.  But change is stressful, and worrisome, and who needs that?  Every one does.  I know.  I just have to get myself comfortable with the idea of change, so that I'm a bit more willing to take a risk.  And hopefully the right risk will present itself soon, while I've got myself in the right brain-place to take advantage of it.

Life...

Interview yesterday.  Went hopefully well.  Has the potential to be a very well-suited job for me.  I hope they think that I'm at least well-suited enough to get a second interview.  I've never gotten a second interview.  Cross your fingers.

The weather sucks.  It's warmish and rainy one day, then it's cold and snowy the next.  This is winter.  In Canada.  It's supposed to be snowy and cold.  That's what we're all used to.  Just do it and get it over with.  And if it's still doing this waffle-ass business in April, I will be pissed.  Spring and fall are my favourite seasons, and we very rarely get either of those anymore.

Beyond that, life is... well, life.  It continues.  And there's not a whole lot more to say.  The exercise resolution is going well.  I've lost 4-5 pounds and I've done exercise most days so far this year.  So that's good.  Hopefully it's becoming a habit.  The reading resolution is also going well.  I'm halfway through book number 3 for the year.  That's a good pace.

Beyond that, resolutions be damned.  Those are enough to think about.  (I'm just mad at myself because the goal to write more tanked... in the first week.  That blog has been sitting vacant since, I think, day 3... bad, bad potential writer.  You should be flogged.)

I'm currently going through all the multitude of CDs that I owe, but rarely listen to and ripping them to my computer so that I will actually make use of the music they contain.  I missed some of them.  Some of them, not so much.  But it's all going to be there, at my finger tips.  My neighbours may begin to hate me.  The music will be very, very random for a while.

Hmm... that might be it.  Like I said, keep the fingers crossed that I get a phone call for a second interview.  That would be monumental news.  And throw in a prayer for better weather.  That would be nice.

I have to go work on finish a baby gift, for a baby that's already been born.  Kinda needs to get done before the shower.  Cross your fingers on that too...

Promises, promises

I said I was going to blog more, didn't I?  Well... I am, just not here.

So far, I'm doing really well at my workout goal.  Though obviously no pounds lost yet, I have done a workout in some form every day.  And that means that I'm posting on that blog every day.

And 3 out of 4 days I've managed to do the writing that I said I was going to do.  So I'm posting there.

But here?  Not so much.  I just haven't had a lot to say so far.  I'm sure I'll come up with something besides the weather.

Which, BTW, is freakin' crappy!  I hate snow.  Have I mentioned that before?  We had 40cm of it yesterday.  I had to DIG out my car!  And the doors were frozen shut, and then, like the idjit that I am, I actually went to work!  On  what could have been a freakin' snow day!  AGH!!!

And now that I've got that out of my system, I'm off to post on the writing blog.  Time for Day 4 of the Writer's Book of Days.