Wrap it up 2019

I didn't do a formal year-end wrap-up post this year due to... well, things. I have some pretty severely mixed feelings about the start of a new year. In the last couple of months, I've spent a lot of time reflecting on life, and I guess now, is the moment I've chosen the share some of that.

My year started out pretty great, actually, with a new opportunity that took away a significant portion of what had been my most recent stress. I was reintroduced to the stress of change, but I hadn't been without that for very long, so it wasn't a big reunion. Since February, I've been settling into the new opportunity and have been grateful for it nearly every single day.

Especially when August came. And the steep downhill slope of the roller coaster that was 2019. I've always thought of my life as a kiddie coaster - I never really had serious ups and downs, just the slow rolling hills that they put the kids on. That's good - I don't really enjoy roller coasters anyway. But 2019, well it seems a bit like the loopiest and steepest coaster that I've ever encountered. So far.

So as I start the slow ascent from the lowest dip in the coaster that I've experienced in my 40-some years I reflect on how gradual the decline to that low really was, before the sudden up in February and the plunge in August.

I didn't really want to start a new year. There's a significant missing piece of my life that won't ever see 2020, and a part of me didn't want to see it either if that was the case. But life goes on. And I know there will be more ups and downs. That's how life works. But I look forward, right now, to just going back to my normal, plateau of a roller coaster.  Little ups, little downs, but overall pretty uneventful. Right now, I don't think I can take a whole lot more than that. No excitement, and no devastation.  Just life.

In my reflection, the only resolution I've come up with is that I want to be kinder this year. Mostly to myself, because I am my own harshest critic. I judge my reactions, my thoughts, my actions much more harshly than I do anyone else's. And I relive them in my head, thinking about how to fix them. But they're over and I can't fix them, so why not be a bit more gentle. And in so doing, be more gentle in the world in general. Because the world can use a bit more kindness and gentility. And I don't want to waste any more of my time here beating myself, or anyone else, up in any way.

So here's the thing...

I didn't have a great year last year.   I had a lot of disappointments - mostly in myself, and the way I handled the year.   Which is why I did not do my normal end of the year wrap up, and then start off the year posts.

I have goals for this year - I absolutely have goals for the year.   But they're a little different than they've been in the past.  This year, I've decided is the year to be aware. 

End of another year

Another year is coming to a close.  And I once again, have not kept up with the blogging.  Did I post even once this year?  Other than posting random musical content that is.  I doubt it.  I'm not even go to check.  Instead I'm going to focus on a minimal update and what I hope to accomplish in the new year. 

What to say about this year.  It's been incredibly depressing in the loss of celebrity life.  Just in the last two weeks, we've lost George Michael, Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds.  Then add to that Prince, David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Alan Thicke.  So many that I can't even list them all.  Something like 110 celebrity or entertainment related deaths this year.  It's crazy.  So, for that reason it's good that 2016 is coming to a close.  And hopefully 2017 won't follow the same path. 

Personally, on the topic of loss, my Shea passed away in October, and it's been harder to deal with than I expected.  I've lost other pets previously, but this was just different somehow.  I guess probably because I've never lived outside of my parents home without her.  And now I have to.  The goal is to get another kitty-baby, but we need to do some renovations on my place before that can happen, so I'm waiting. 

I've settled in at my new job, though as an organization we've been going through some pretty major transition which is due to change again starting Tuesday.  I've been working part time again for the Christmas season, and with the part-time job and the full-time job and the going to the gym I'm pretty close to burning out, so while I enjoy the part-time position, I'm glad that it will be coming to an end.  I need proper rest, and to stop stressing myself out. 

Otherwise life has been just life.  There are parental health concerns, and general other issues, but I can't control any of that, so I need to just go with the flow, and let it go.

Which basically leads to  figuring out my goals for the upcoming year. 
1) Stop living in my head - stop overthinking and over analyzing everything.  Just let life happen as it does, and enjoy the moments, but don't obsess over them.
2) Eat better, take better care of myself.
3) Read more consistently.  - I found this year that I was trying to cram in the books that I needed to finish my (decreased) goal.  I need to plan better so that I don't get that far behind again this year.
4) Write more.  Blogging or storytelling.  It doesn't matter.  Just do it.  More often.  More consistently.
5) Be more organized.  Tidy up after myself.  Purge things that I don't need anymore.  Stop being a hoarder.
6) Be more financially responsible.

All of these things are actually related to making myself feel better.  I spend money on things I don't need and eat things that I shouldn't eat when I'm stressed and then I don't feel like doing anything productive because I'm thinking of myself as such a slacker, so what's the point? It's really a big endless cycle.  Concentrate on all those things individuallly and they should all work themselves out. And it should work out to me being less moody, and more positive. 

I'm down with giving it a try anyway. That's the goal for this year.  End on a happier, healthier, more productive note.  Not too tall an order, is it?

2013 Wrap up

I started thinking about what I was going to write tonight as I was driving home from the 10th Annual Family New Years Eve party at the Complex where I work.  I've only missed one of these events, when I was on disability after my second hip surgery.  I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.  It's definitely consistent.

And if I can say anything about this year, it's been consistent.  Nothing has really changed.  I've developed some sort of strategy for finally losing weight that I've wanted to lose for years, and I do have a bit of a budgetary plan, though I do still have a serious book-buying addiction.

Perfect! Not even a month

So, I'm told that I don't blog often enough (I believe the thought was that I don't blog often enough for particular people to spy on me, but that's okay - at least I know somebody cares)  And now, here it is December 31, 2012 - the last day of the year, so it's time for the year-end wrap up.

And really, in the basest sense, this year was really the same as the last.  I'm at the same job, I live in the same place, I know the same people.  I watched another friend get married in September (third in a row for that one) and well... nothing really changes.

I think this year should be different.  Something has to change eventually right?

I'm signed up to take a continuing ed course at the local college to improve my knowledge base and maybe help in the ongoing job search.  I'm planning to continue my attempt at self-improvement with being more fit, and I want to be just a better person in general.  Less cynical, more optimistic.  Just better.

I need to read more, watch TV less.  Be less concerned that I'm being a bother to other people, be more confident.  Be more me without worrying what other people think.  I want to be more intelligent - not in a snooty way, I just want to use my brain more.  Be more productive.  For myself and society.  Maybe I should do something charitable.

There's a lot that I could do to make myself better.  But I think I need to sit down and  be more organized, in general.  Get rid of clutter, in my place, my life, my brain.  There's so much that could help.

I don't think I'll do my first of the year post this year.  This one has pretty much covered everything.  I'm going to blog more though, so maybe that will make up for no January 1 post.  And maybe I'll be less worried about what I'm writing here.  It should be what I'm thinking right?  Not in a mean way, and not in a way that I wouldn't post if it wasn't so anonymous, just in a less concerned that I'm being judged way.  Just to be more real.

And with that, my 2013 New Year resolutions:
1) blog more
2) save more/budget better
3) be more fit

And on that note, I think I'm done.

Happy New Year!

Day one of the new year

Haven't broken my resolutions yet.

Haven't really started most of them either.

But I do have plans to start one (exercise is forthcoming later this afternoon), and I am going to write more.  Which is the point of this post.  The writing more is going to be completed as a kind of project.  I have a book called "A Writer's Book of Days".  It gives writing prompts for each day of the year.  I am going to write based on those prompts, trying to do it every day.   And, helping with the blog more resolution, I'm going to do it in a blog.

But in order to avoid clogging up this one, I've started a new one, just for that writing: http://oneyearofwords.blogspot.com/  Just in case anyone is interested in reading.  I will not say that it will be interesting for anyone to read.  A lot of it probably won't make any sense at all.  But the best way to write, is to write.  And so, the project begins.

Happy New Year! Resolutions?

Do I actually believe in New Year Resolutions?  No.  Mainly because the first day of the new year is basically exactly the same as the last day of the previous one.  So what makes me think that I can make changes any better that day than any other?  Nothing, that's what.

Usually my resolution is to not make resolutions, which means that I've immediately broken my resolution.  It takes the pressure off.

But this year, I am going to make resolutions, the theory being that if I write them down, they'll be more concrete and I'll have to stick to them.

And so, the list:
1) Lose weight.  The magic number is 30.  With a hope for a bit more.  And the goal is to lose it by September.
2) Read more.  This year I read 45 books.  The goal is to read just as many next year.
3) Try something new.  I want to join a book club, take a cooking class or learn to sew.
4) Write more.  This kind of goes along with read more because when I read more, I generally feel more creative and can write more. Also, I want to take a writing course.  I know they're offered at continuing ed at UWO.  Just need to find the money.
5) Blog more.  Hand in hand with write more, actually.  Just a different form of writing.
6) Find a new job.  It's just time.  I'm in the 8th year at the Complex, and it's beyond time to find something where I can grow and challenge myself.  Or at least not feel like I'm going to throw up before I go to work some mornings.

And that, my friends, is my resolution list.  Feedback?  Anyone?  Anybody want to help with any of the resolutions?  Be a buddy to keep me on track?  Let me know.

Post-Christmas/New Year wrap up

Okay, so it's 10:50 on New Years Eve.  People might be wondering what I'm doing at home, and blogging on New Years Eve. People who know me however, are not surprised that I'm at home because 1) I had to work at the Family New Years Eve party, and 2) I'm not a party animal.  Shocking, I know.  Such a disappointment.

And now, on to the wrap-up.  It's been almost two months since my last post, but I'm just going to go with the major details - the Holiday season.

It wasn't a very Christmas-y Christmas to start off with.  The weather is just not cooperating.  Though I much prefer this to the snow-mageddon of last year.  I don't really like the snow, but I do like to look out on Christmas eve and see a few flakes in the air, and a light white coating on the ground.  Just enough to look seasonal.  Not enough to mess with people's travel plans or to make it too cold to move.

But, I did all the Christmas baking this year, and that put me closer to the mood, but it just seemed that Christmas was all just another week away, even when it was as close as two or three days.  I mean, it came so quick, and it feels like it should still be about a month away.  Strange.  Life is going by far too quickly, even though some days seem to be weeks long.

But Christmas was good.  I spent Christmas eve with a friend and her future in-laws and family, and then hung out at another friend's and helped wrap some gifts for her brother's kids.  None of that seems monumental, but it was nice.  Christmas day was a Sunday, so we went to church and then went to dinner with family.  And on the retail side of things, I did get a few super cool, and useful things.  Some of which I already knew about, and a few that I didn't.  Boxing Day was another dinner with friends of my parents whose anniversary is Dec. 26.

And of course, I came home with leftovers, so I ate well for an extra few days.

Before New Years Eve I had to work two and a half days, and then it was time for the Family New Years Eve Party.  Three fabulous, fun-filled hours of families and screaming/hyper children.  I'm such a fan.  We had a good turnout again this year though, and that's good.

And since this is meant to be a wrap-up post, I should probably say that no, my life is not where I would really like it to be this year.  But 2012 is a new start, and I'm trying to think positively.  I'm going to start a new routine, and try harder to find some new things to add to my life.  Maybe I'll try something like joining a book club, or finding a new hobby.  I'd like to take a cooking class (cooking for one or two, maybe?).  Maybe I'll take a writing class.  I do have ambitions, and through those ambitions I intend to make myself meet new people.  Because really, if given the option, I'd probably stay at home, with books and TV and not see people.  Ever.  But that's partly because I deal with people every day at work.

Anyway, that's my wrap up.  Next post will probably be resolutions.  Not that I really believe in them, but maybe if I write them down I'll make myself stick to them.

Oh, and I should add, that I found out at Christmas that my aunt has actually read this.  Part of me freaked out and I came home thinking that I was going to end up censoring myself.  The other part of me was kind of excited that somebody was reading.  So, hi Aunt Ilene, if you're reading again.  We'll wait to see which part of me wins out on the censoring...

Happy new year!

Just a short post to ring in the new year. And confirm that I still plan to keep my resolutions. In fact, the sewing one has already started. And I've already started thinking about the healthier eating. Oh, and when the year turned I was halfway through Gone With The Wind, so that counts as my first book of the year.

So, cheers to 2011. May it bring all the happiness that we're searching for. :)

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New Year Resolutions

I was asked yesterday what goals I had for the new year. What you need to understand, before I answer this question is that I am usually strongly against making resolutions, because I just figure that I'll break them anyway, and any changes I make in my life should be things I change because I want to change them, not because I promise myself that I need to. So my rote answer is that I resolve not to make any resolutions.

This year though, I'm going to change that. I need something to motivate me to actually make those changes that I have internally promised myself for the past few months. And so, with that in mind, I am going to list the things that I want to accomplish in 2011.

1) I want to lose 30-40 pounds. This one I actually want to achieve in the first 6 months of the year, but it also involves creating better eating habits for myself, and then maintaining that weight loss, so it is a full year promise. When I started the process to lose last time, I started a blog here: http://waistfulthoughts.blogspot.com/ I'll be attempting to keep up with that again, as well as staying here.

2) I want to better budget my money. I need to teach myself that buying things will not make me feel better about my job when I'm stressed. This actually might go hand in hand with the one above. I can substitute exercise for shopping. Some of this budgeted money needs to go into a savings account so that I can afford to go to Vegas for my friend's wedding. The rest of it needs to go into paying down debt.

3) I want to continue to read. A lot. The past two years I've had 3 months where I've had nothing but time, so that I've set a good reading pace. I won't have that in 2011, so I want to promise myself that I will still keep the pace. Perhaps I'll read on the weekend instead of automatically turning on the television and watching brainless shows. I don't know yet. But I know that I've currently got a pace of at least 30 books/year. (You can watch my progress as I keep track at my bookshelf on Shelfari: http://www.shelfari.com/limada/shelf )

4) I want to go through some of the "stuff" that I've collected through my various phases and sell some of it, and just get rid of other things. I have to much stuff, and watching Hoarders has made me realize that I do not need it all. Plus, I don't have enough storage for it all. So, out it goes. I'm already working on this because my mom has a VCR that connects to the computer, so that you can create digital files from your VHS. I've been working on that for the past two days. Once they're on the computer, I will pitch the VHS. (Actually, I'll probably give it to Value Village, but I will no longer own it, which is the point.)

5) I think I want to learn to sew. I'll probably have to get my mother involved in this one. But it would be a good skill to have. And so, it's a goal.

6) I want to teach myself to cook more creatively. I'm a boring cook, and because of that, I don't like to do it. So I need to actually use the recipe books that I have, and find ways to make creative meals for a single person. This also fits with the first goal, because if I cook better for myself, then it will be easier to keep track of what I'm eating and therefore easier to lose the weight.

I think 6 is a good number of goals. None of them are impossible. In fact, all of them are things that I really should be doing anyway. But having them written out is a good thing. I have an ongoing goal of always trying to write. But as it's ongoing, and because this blog is actually part of the goal, I'll leave it off this list.

I always have other goals that I'd like to achieve in a year. Finding a new job, for example. But since it's not something that's completely in my control, I'm not including it, either. Or random things that come up along the way, that should fall in this category, but weren't visible when the year changed. I'll take those into account as I go, but if I can look back to this list on December 28, 2011 and mentally add check marks to these, then I'll feel as if I had a successful year.