There are so many reasons why this is bad, not the least of which is that it means my birthday is almost upon us. I'm not anti-birthday, I'm not afraid of getting older, but I dislike realizing that I'm starting another year in an unhappy place. I'm just not at the place in my life that I'd like to be at the age that I am.
I know that's really all on me. It's not anyone else's fault. And at some points in the last month I thought I was making changes. Unfortunately, those things didn't come to fruition. And I'm still working on it. But my birthday often becomes an excuse for me to wallow in the unhappiness that I try to ignore every other moment.
I don't know, maybe I'm just overly sensitive about the whole thing. But I watch friends, and others, moving ahead with their lives, and then I see mine, seemingly stagnant and it's frustrating. I don't think I'm any less worthy of the good, nor do I think I work any less at trying to make my life better. And yet, here I sit. And there's nothing particularly wrong with where I am, it's just not where I'd like to be.
And on that note, the melancholy sets in, and I'll spend the rest of the night mulling it all over, and trying to think my way out of it.