And so it begins for 2014

Once again I am attempting to write 50,000 words in a novel-like format in the month of November.
In other words NaNoWriMo has begun.

So far, I'm making a valiant effort.  Without a real plan in mind I have managed to almost make my word count yesterday, and write enough bonus words today to balance it out so that I'm actually on track.  Be it on an entirely different plan of attack than Saturday.  *Sigh*  This is what I get for not being a planner.  I like to write by the seat of my pants.  And honestly, starting on Saturday, I thought I had an idea, and then it just didn't really work for me.  So I started again.  And I'm not sure that's really anything either, but there might be a niggling of an idea in there somewhere that might actually allow me to write nearly 2,000 words a day for the next month.

I'm determined to win again.  Hopefully that counts for something.   I'll let you know in December.

It's November - you know what that means

It's NaNoWriMo again.

And due to unforeseen events in my RL I was unable (read: unwilling, uninspired) to start until today.  And I started slow.   But in the last hour or so, I've made up some words and am actually on a decent pace.

I have a few ideas floating around in my head, and I'm hoping that something coherent comes out of them.  I'm trying my best not to censor stuff, because that seems to be my biggest problem.  I write and then erase bits, and that affects my word count.  And also my writing flow.  So maybe, if I can be a little more stream of consciousness this year, I can actually finish the month with a win in the NoMo column this year.

And clearly, I'm not having any problems with words today, because I'm rambling on here as well.

We'll see if by the end of the month I end up with anything useful in my Word file.

Here's hoping *crossed fingers*

Life...

Interview yesterday.  Went hopefully well.  Has the potential to be a very well-suited job for me.  I hope they think that I'm at least well-suited enough to get a second interview.  I've never gotten a second interview.  Cross your fingers.

The weather sucks.  It's warmish and rainy one day, then it's cold and snowy the next.  This is winter.  In Canada.  It's supposed to be snowy and cold.  That's what we're all used to.  Just do it and get it over with.  And if it's still doing this waffle-ass business in April, I will be pissed.  Spring and fall are my favourite seasons, and we very rarely get either of those anymore.

Beyond that, life is... well, life.  It continues.  And there's not a whole lot more to say.  The exercise resolution is going well.  I've lost 4-5 pounds and I've done exercise most days so far this year.  So that's good.  Hopefully it's becoming a habit.  The reading resolution is also going well.  I'm halfway through book number 3 for the year.  That's a good pace.

Beyond that, resolutions be damned.  Those are enough to think about.  (I'm just mad at myself because the goal to write more tanked... in the first week.  That blog has been sitting vacant since, I think, day 3... bad, bad potential writer.  You should be flogged.)

I'm currently going through all the multitude of CDs that I owe, but rarely listen to and ripping them to my computer so that I will actually make use of the music they contain.  I missed some of them.  Some of them, not so much.  But it's all going to be there, at my finger tips.  My neighbours may begin to hate me.  The music will be very, very random for a while.

Hmm... that might be it.  Like I said, keep the fingers crossed that I get a phone call for a second interview.  That would be monumental news.  And throw in a prayer for better weather.  That would be nice.

I have to go work on finish a baby gift, for a baby that's already been born.  Kinda needs to get done before the shower.  Cross your fingers on that too...

Happy New Year! Resolutions?

Do I actually believe in New Year Resolutions?  No.  Mainly because the first day of the new year is basically exactly the same as the last day of the previous one.  So what makes me think that I can make changes any better that day than any other?  Nothing, that's what.

Usually my resolution is to not make resolutions, which means that I've immediately broken my resolution.  It takes the pressure off.

But this year, I am going to make resolutions, the theory being that if I write them down, they'll be more concrete and I'll have to stick to them.

And so, the list:
1) Lose weight.  The magic number is 30.  With a hope for a bit more.  And the goal is to lose it by September.
2) Read more.  This year I read 45 books.  The goal is to read just as many next year.
3) Try something new.  I want to join a book club, take a cooking class or learn to sew.
4) Write more.  This kind of goes along with read more because when I read more, I generally feel more creative and can write more. Also, I want to take a writing course.  I know they're offered at continuing ed at UWO.  Just need to find the money.
5) Blog more.  Hand in hand with write more, actually.  Just a different form of writing.
6) Find a new job.  It's just time.  I'm in the 8th year at the Complex, and it's beyond time to find something where I can grow and challenge myself.  Or at least not feel like I'm going to throw up before I go to work some mornings.

And that, my friends, is my resolution list.  Feedback?  Anyone?  Anybody want to help with any of the resolutions?  Be a buddy to keep me on track?  Let me know.

Surprise!

I went to Fleece Fest with a friend earlier today.  Yes, it is what it sounds like.  An entire building full of yarn, knitting and other yarn crafts.  They even had people there spinning their own yarn.  It was very interesting.  And kind of weird, at the same time.  Some of the yarn was so beautiful.  Such great colours.  And hand dyed and organic and really lovely.  You can not imagine the different colours and types of yarn that exist, until you go into a place like this.

I'm a knitter.  I don't hide this.  And so, I've always coveted those kits of corded needles where you get all sorts of sizes, and you can change out the tips of the needles on the cords.  To anyone who doesn't knit, that won't make any sense at all.  Anyway, they had a kit like that there.  And I was gazing appreciatively at it.  And I had to explain why I was looking at them to my friend because she's a more novice knitter than me.  She happened to buy some yarn and needles at this vendor.  When making her purchase she turns to me and says "Go get that needle set.  Merry Christmas."

I'm still a little surprised.  She did not have to do that.  But I love my needles. And I appreciate her thinking of that as a gift.  I no longer have to covet other knitters.  I have the good needles.

Also, I no longer scoff at the people who say that using expensive/good needles make a difference in your knitting.  Because they're actually right.  It's a much smoother process with better needles.  The yarn seems to slide more easily, and nothing catches.  And there's none of that annoying clicky sound.

It's nice.

Motivation

I bought a new calendar yesterday, and markers and some cute stickers.  I am going to use these to create my own "happiness project".   I'll put the stickers on the calendar when I do certain things, like blog, or exercise, and it'll be a way to keep myself accountable, because I'll be able to see whether I'm actually doing what I say I'm doing.  It seems kind of silly. but I think it might be the way for me to actually motivate myself.

And I need to make sure I'm motivated to the weight loss goal this time.  I'm not going to let time go by and say "Oh, I wish I'd... "  because I do that a lot.  I can keep to almost any goal that someone else sets for me because I'm a people pleaser in most cases, but I let myself down a lot.  And I need to stop doing that.

I should probably do a little self-analysis to figure out why I feel like I'm self-sabotaging.  That would probably be useful.  But I'm hoping that as I go through this process that maybe I'll find the doing of these things rewarding enough that I don't feel like that anymore, and I won't have to figure out why I did it in the first place.

Starting over

I've come to a conclusion: No one else is going to try to make me happier.

This may seem obvious to... well, everyone. But this is new to me. I'm not particularly unhappy in most of the aspects of my life. There is definitely room for improvement in every part, but I'm not hanging off a ledge by my fingernails or anything. I just think there's space to grow.

I should probably start from the statement that I'm currently reading "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. This is partially because it was recommended to me by someone I trust on the subject of books, and partially because I knew I wanted to make some kind of change in my life. I just wasn't clear on what that change should be all about.

I've been trying to make a work-related change for a while now. This is not news. It's just a tough market, and I'm not particularly skilled at anything beyond being a glorified administrative assistant or a quality control lab technician at this point. And neither of these things seem like the way to make my work life happier. So I've been trying to expand my search. And I think in the interim, during the time that I'm waiting for all those companies to start banging down my door, clamoring for me to come and work for them, I should try to be happier where I am.

Which is not precisely what I'm going to do. I'm going to concentrate, instead, on making every other part of my life more fulfilling, in an effort to counterbalance the misery of my current job.

Make sense?

I haven't yet come up for a plan for this but the book is giving me great ideas. I know I need to keep in better contact with the my friends - strengthen the relationships, because people with stronger social bonds tend to be happier. I also know that I need to take better care of myself - get more sleep, exercise more, eat better; even simple things like remembering to wash my face before I go to bed. And I know that I need to eliminate clutter. I live amidst organized chaos, and it's not particularly peaceful, or settling. And definitely not happy-making.

So those are the three current goals. Maybe by the end of this particular bout of self-discovery I'll actually be able to be outwardly optimistic, still keeping my inward pessimism, instead of being outwardly pessimistic with a hint of optimism.

New Year Resolutions

I was asked yesterday what goals I had for the new year. What you need to understand, before I answer this question is that I am usually strongly against making resolutions, because I just figure that I'll break them anyway, and any changes I make in my life should be things I change because I want to change them, not because I promise myself that I need to. So my rote answer is that I resolve not to make any resolutions.

This year though, I'm going to change that. I need something to motivate me to actually make those changes that I have internally promised myself for the past few months. And so, with that in mind, I am going to list the things that I want to accomplish in 2011.

1) I want to lose 30-40 pounds. This one I actually want to achieve in the first 6 months of the year, but it also involves creating better eating habits for myself, and then maintaining that weight loss, so it is a full year promise. When I started the process to lose last time, I started a blog here: http://waistfulthoughts.blogspot.com/ I'll be attempting to keep up with that again, as well as staying here.

2) I want to better budget my money. I need to teach myself that buying things will not make me feel better about my job when I'm stressed. This actually might go hand in hand with the one above. I can substitute exercise for shopping. Some of this budgeted money needs to go into a savings account so that I can afford to go to Vegas for my friend's wedding. The rest of it needs to go into paying down debt.

3) I want to continue to read. A lot. The past two years I've had 3 months where I've had nothing but time, so that I've set a good reading pace. I won't have that in 2011, so I want to promise myself that I will still keep the pace. Perhaps I'll read on the weekend instead of automatically turning on the television and watching brainless shows. I don't know yet. But I know that I've currently got a pace of at least 30 books/year. (You can watch my progress as I keep track at my bookshelf on Shelfari: http://www.shelfari.com/limada/shelf )

4) I want to go through some of the "stuff" that I've collected through my various phases and sell some of it, and just get rid of other things. I have to much stuff, and watching Hoarders has made me realize that I do not need it all. Plus, I don't have enough storage for it all. So, out it goes. I'm already working on this because my mom has a VCR that connects to the computer, so that you can create digital files from your VHS. I've been working on that for the past two days. Once they're on the computer, I will pitch the VHS. (Actually, I'll probably give it to Value Village, but I will no longer own it, which is the point.)

5) I think I want to learn to sew. I'll probably have to get my mother involved in this one. But it would be a good skill to have. And so, it's a goal.

6) I want to teach myself to cook more creatively. I'm a boring cook, and because of that, I don't like to do it. So I need to actually use the recipe books that I have, and find ways to make creative meals for a single person. This also fits with the first goal, because if I cook better for myself, then it will be easier to keep track of what I'm eating and therefore easier to lose the weight.

I think 6 is a good number of goals. None of them are impossible. In fact, all of them are things that I really should be doing anyway. But having them written out is a good thing. I have an ongoing goal of always trying to write. But as it's ongoing, and because this blog is actually part of the goal, I'll leave it off this list.

I always have other goals that I'd like to achieve in a year. Finding a new job, for example. But since it's not something that's completely in my control, I'm not including it, either. Or random things that come up along the way, that should fall in this category, but weren't visible when the year changed. I'll take those into account as I go, but if I can look back to this list on December 28, 2011 and mentally add check marks to these, then I'll feel as if I had a successful year.

Random projects

I'm sometimes a bit of a pushover. I feel bad saying no to people if I think it's someone who's opinion might actually matter. For example, while I'm off work, I've been asked to create a website for the church my parents attend. Technically I'm a member there also, but I only joined because at the age of 16 I was expected to. I don't actually go to church, so this is my way of contributing as a member. That's also why I'm considering saying that I will continue to update the site, given that it will not be an extensive job. And by that I mean I'll only have to update once a week and it will take less than an hour.

Other random projects: I knit. I know, it's seen as an old ladies' hobby, but I do it anyway. It's been a great gift-making venture. But I've nearly run out of people to give gifts to. So if there's anyone out there that needs anything knitted, let me know. It's one of the ways that I keep my hands busy while I watch television so that I'm not eating. Seems to work, though I haven't actually lost any weight that I can attribute to the knitting.

The other thing I do to keep my hands busy is cross-stitching. Another old lady hobby. I don't do it as often though because it takes much more thought. I need to finish a few projects of it, because I have kits that I'd like to see completed, but it takes time. And energy.

Knitting is more brainless/automatic for me. But I do need more patterns, so if anybody has simple ones (absolutely no cables - I'm not patient enough for cables) feel free to contribute to my knitting fetish. I do a lot of feather/fan projects because it's simple.