Deep

I feel like I'm drowning.  Every time I think I may be able to take a deep breath, fill my lungs, something drags me back under.  I don't know what to do.

There are supportive hands and voices out there,  but the most heard thing is "What are you going to do to change it?"  If I knew that, wouldn't I already be doing it?

And so I continue to tread water, with as much strength as I can, waiting for the tide to change, to give me a chance to save myself.  I cam only rely on that.

Yes or no? What do I know?

I've been following the referendum in Scotland with interest.  Mainly because I do have aspirations of visiting eventually, and I want to know how the vote will affect that.  But less self-servingly, I'm interested in history, and Scotland is part of mine, and has it's own interesting history.

I don't really have an opinion on whether or not "Better Together" is right, but I can understand how a country can be upset at their representation in government when they are an actual separate country, but not have their own government or even equal representation.

Buckets full

I read an article recently about something called the "Book Bucket Challenge."  Essentially, it challenges people to list the 10 books that have most influenced them or left the greatest impression on them.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a big reader, but I'm having a lot of trouble with this concept.  Not that anyone nominated me for the challenge, but it got me thinking anyway.  The problem may be that I read too much, and I generally find something worth taking out of everything I read.  Not necessarily on purpose, but some piece of something always sticks.

Writing it down

They say if you write down goals you have or things you want to accomplish, you are more likely to achieve them.  My current goal is to visit Scotland.

I'd like to take two weeks, rent a car (which I'd then have to drive on the other side. Ack!) And just travel the country, seeing what I saw, and taking my own time. 

So that's my goal.  It's the one thing that I really, really want to do sometime in the not distant future. I've been to Holland for one side of my heritage, and England for a portion of the other, but we're really more Scots than anything since we have a tartan and everything. 

And now it's out in the world.  Lets see how long it takes me to get there.

Deep breaths

So, it's September 1.  Labour day.

For most people, it's not really the start of anything new.  It's not a new year, unless you're a kid going back for the start of a new school year.

I'm taking the opportunity, though I'm not really starting a new year - to call New Year.  It's a fresh start.  I'm going to start eating better, begin a new exercise habit, and try to keep a neater house.  I didn't get everything accomplished yesterday that I wanted to start this way, but maybe it's part of the process to get myself to that place.  I need to re-organize a few things, and get rid of some junk food that it's the house, but I'm starting with a different mind-set and that's important.

I don't have explicit goals to put down here - I just want to improve.  I want to make myself better, which in turn might make my life better.   Control what I can in a way, since I have no control over certain other aspects of my life. If I make myself feel more in control of what I can control, I'll probably be happier.  And maybe I'll feel less like I have no direction.