Finding me...

Have you ever wondered if there was one choice that you made that completely changed the course of your life?  I'm not talking about the life altering decisions that clearly alter your path.  I mean the little ones, the ones that seem to be of no consequence, beyond choosing what to eat for dinner, or which movie to go to on a particular night.

Is it possible, that every single tiny little detail that you choose means you go in a different direction.  What if by choosing this movie instead of that one, you miss out on meeting someone who could have made an impact?  What if by reading this book, you changed your perspective on a topic and had an argument with someone who could have been a valuable ally?  There are so many things that could change just because of the little things.

Resistant to change

I'm told at work sometimes that I'm resistant to change.  I feel strongly that I'm not resistant; I just want to have a good reason/explanation for why I should be making that change.  Change for change sake isn't useful for anything.

Then I read this for my Training & Development class this semester:

Divergent: The Movie and the concept of Girl Power

Saw Divergent this afternoon, as planned.  Good movie, but of course, not as good as the book. I was pleasantly surprised by how much they actually left the same, but there were a few glaring differences that I don't really understand the purpose of changing.  Perhaps if/when there's Insurgent and Allegiant the changes may make more sense.  I will say that Theo James as Four is definitely a better choice than I originally thought.  My mental image may have altered.  Shailene Woodley isn't quite petite/tiny enough for the mental image I had of Tris, since there are comments throughout the book about her tininess, but it wouldn't have been as obvious if Christina (Zoe Kravitz) wasn't even smaller.

Overall, definitely pleased with the book to movie transition on this one.

What I would tell my 16 year old self....

People always talk about what they would tell their 16 year old self if they got the opportunity.  I've never really known what I would say; there were too many options.

I had a conversation with a couple of high school friends last night, and it was mentioned what I was like in high school, and then on the way home I heard this song.  And I know I've posted it before, but I think it perfectly says what I should tell my 16 year old self, if I ever got the chance.  So I'm posting it again.

Back to blog part 2 - what I did on my summer vacation

I don't think that I have ever had two weeks of vacation at the same time since I started working.  However, that's exactly what happened this year.  And since I had two weeks I felt like I really ought to be doing something with it.

My dad came to Canada from Holland when he was five years old, entering through Pier 21 in Halifax.  Pier 21 is now a museum, documenting the stories it saw during it's years of service.  My dad (and mom) have been there a couple of times, but I never had, and in an effort to appreciate my heritage, we made plans for an east coast vacation that included Pier 21.  I felt fairly strongly that if I was going to see Pier 21, it really should be with my dad.

J. Dawson grave marker

So, we drove east as far as Halifax and started the actual vacation (though not the travel) there.  Pier 21 was first, then the Halifax boardwalk and the Maritime Museum of the Atlantic where they had a Titanic exhibit.   Then we went to one of the cemataries where they buried most of the Titanic victims.  Kind of creepy, I know.  But strangely, even though there is no connection at all, there is a stone there for J. Dawson, as if they've buried the character from the Leonardo DiCaprio movie.  They didn't.  It's an extremely different person, named Joseph, not Jack.  And Joseph actually existed, not just fictionally.

lighthouse at Peggy's Cove

We went to the Citadel, a historic fort in Halifax, and then headed to Peggy's Cove to see the lighthouse.  We had heard that they may be shutting the tourist portion down because of lack of funding.  That's unfortunate.  It's quite a sight.  

From there, we headed to PEI, travelling to the island by ferry.  It was a great day to be on the water.  Charlottetown was first on the agenda - Province House, the place of Canada's Confederation and where PEI's legislature sits to be specific.    We also wandered a little in Charlottetown before we headed to Summerside.    They have an adorable boardwalk there.  Our hotel was across from the College of Piping and Celtic Performing Arts, so despite my dad's aversion to the pipes, we went there in the morning.  It was quick, lucky for my dad.  

Confederation Bridge from a distance

We drove a little bit further in PEI before heading back to the mainland, this time coming across the Confederation Bridge.

boardwalk in New Brunswick

We spent several days in New Brunswick with relatives before we headed home.  It was a nice trip; hectic, but relaxing at the same time.  It was nice to be away, but I think we were all happy to get home as well.

Back to Blog part 1 - nostalgia

I've missed a while.  It's funny, when I actually have stuff to write about, I don't write.  But when I have nothing going on is when I make time for it.  I'm on vacation this week, so I'm going to make time to update the things I should have posted months ago.

Carlos Delgado - the smile is amazing.

Anyway, July 21 was Carlos Delgado Day.  Let me explain - the Toronto Blue Jays inducted Carlos Delgado into the Level of Excellence at the Rogers Centre (I still think of it as SkyDome.  Probably always will.)  And since Carlos was a big part of my baseball history - and a special love of a friend of mine's mum - we took our mom's  to the game.  

Despite an eventual loss (nearly heartbreaking!  I have to say because they almost came back in the bottom of the 9th) it was a great time.  We saw Carlos up close, my friend's mum shook his hand, and Alex Gonzalez and Shawn Green were also in attendance, a special treat for my friend and I since they were our favourite players.  

Alex Gonzalez, Shawn Green & Jose Cruz Jr.

It was nice to see that the friendship we had seen so many years ago was true and still carried on beyond the team, and the game.  My friend and I agreed that while it was nice to see them, it did make us miss those days.  In a sad way.  And for a number of reasons beyond the obvious.

Random Odds & Ends: A study of me

I'm shorter than average.  Maybe petite.
I think I need to lose 20-40 pounds.
Maybe then I'll be petite.
I read.  A LOT.
I sing to the radio in the car. (And at home.  And ... )
I remember nearly every lyric to nearly every song I've ever known.
I like movies and TV.  Even the cheesy stuff.
I'm an only child.  But I wasn't really spoiled.  There were just advantages to having no brothers/sisters.
I have some really good friends.  Most of whom I don't actually see often enough.
I'm a homebody.  It's easier to read that way.
I like to write.  I had some talent at it in school, but I haven't practiced enough as an adult.
My inner critic/censor is far too outspoken.
I'd like to write a novel that gets published, but doubt that will ever happen. (see above.)
I talk back to the TV.  And to DJs on the radio.
I talk to myself.  And I answer.
I watch entertainment television, but mainly for the moments that prove celebrities are just regular people.
I'm not quick to jump on trends, but when I decide I like something, I'm loyal.
If I can't respect a person or their actions, I probably can't respect their art.
I'm almost 40.
I feel like that can't possibly be my age.
My favourite book is Gone With the Wind.  The movie's good too, but only because of the book.
I'm blonde.
I'm partially bionic.  Or ceramic, it depends on who you ask.
Sometimes I'm a bitch.
I'm not really a people person.
I work in customer service.
I don't dislike children, but I can only take them in small doses and small groups.
Babies are cute when you can give them back.
I'm partially Dutch.  And I look it.
I'll never achieve most of my dreams.
Whatever.  No, seriously... Whatever.
I'm Canadian.  That means I'm unnecessarily polite to most strangers.
Unless you're stupid.  Then I'll grumble about it under my breath which you hopefully won't hear.
I'm non-confrontational.
Unless I can send you an email when your customer service is crappy.
I've never punched anyone.  But I've wanted to.
I've been depressed.
I'd never commit suicide.  There are two reasons for that.
I'm very opinionated.
If you reason with me, I might change my mind.
I'm observational to the point of being shy.
My musical taste is eclectic and varied.
I like history.  But not my own.
I have some self-image issues that I've never gotten over.
But I fake it, so most people can't tell.
I'm usually pretty smart.
Sometimes I play dumb.
I like the sun.  But I burn really easily.
Choco-holic.  That's me.
I don't really swim.
I love the stars, but I can't point out any constellations.
I have a tattoo.  Most people will only ever see it accidentally.
I might not tell you what I'm actually thinking.
I don't like to make decisions unless I feel really strongly about one of the choices.
I'm probably a geek.  Or a nerd.  Or a dork.  (What's the difference anyhow?)
Maybe I'm adorkable?
I like Star Trek.
I'm not opposed to Star Wars.
If I were Penny, I'd probably date Leonard in a second.
Most of the time, I don't really like my job.  Not the work, the job.
I do like my coworkers.  Most of the time.
I'm perpetually single.  Mostly, I'm okay with that.  Except when I think about the way, way future.
I like my independence.
I'd like a new career.  Anybody know anyone?
I'm good at what I do.
I generally don't like to talk about myself, which makes interviewing difficult.
I like blue/black/purple.  And yellow.
I like spring.  And fall.
Thunderstorms are fun when I'm safe at home.  Same with snowstorms but add a fireplace and a good book.
I figure skated as a kid, but I've only been on skates about twice since I quit taking lessons.
Knitting is one of my hobbies.
I have a cat.
The two things above put me on the road to being a crazy cat lady.
I love the scenery of Scotland and Ireland, but I've never been there.
I admire people who are brutally honest because I care too much what people think of me.
My handwriting sucks.
I wish I had to hand write things more often.
I talk to the computer as if it can listen to me and do what I tell it to do.
Spell check is making us all illiterate.
I h8 txt speak.
I believe that if we didn't sanitize everything people would have less allergies and illness.
I wish I was calmer.
My favourite food is chicken.  Or pizza.  Oh, who am I kidding?  It's chocolate.
I'd like to take yoga more regularly.
I'd like to be good at it.
I wish my life was something other than mediocre.
I shouldn't complain; it might not be fabulous, but it's also not horrible.
I don't like roller coasters.  Or heights.
I've only flown 8 times (4 trips.)
I enjoyed Las Vegas and want to go back.
I have many travel plans, but no money to enact them.
I don't like math, but I was good at it in school.
Seeing people I knew in high school makes me feel awkward, as if I need to be the person I was then.
I don't like the person I was then.  I've changed.
I'm not a girly-girl.
I like getting my nails done.
I've been to Europe - Holland, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Italy, France and England.
I really want to go back.
I've never been farther west in Canada than Ontario.
I've never been to the West Coast of the US.  But I've been to every state on the East coast.
I used to be totally afraid of scary movies.  But now I love them.
English, Scottish, Irish, Welsh and Australian accents are awesome.
There are some people who could read me the phone book and I would be happy just to hear them speak.
I like old movies, but it's a relatively new things, so I have a lot of catching up to do.
I'm bad at creating healthy habits for myself.
I like to wear skirts/dresses, but often feel uncomfortable in them.
Skorts were an awesome invention.
I have 8 holes pierced in my ears.
8 is my lucky number.  So far it hasn't been that lucky.
I'm the only person in my extended family who still has naturally blonde hair as an adult.
I own my car and my condo.  They're not much, but they're mine.
I like trying to fix/build things.
My biggest fear is dying alone.
I've never smoked a cigarette.
I have a BA and a college degree.  Neither of them seems to do me much good.
I'm creative, but not very artistic.
Sometimes I stare at nothing.  It freaks people out.
I like words.  The bigger the better.
I'm good at spelling.
I don't know how to properly structure a sentence, I just know how to make them sound right.
I used to be a pop culture junkie.
I hope there's something great waiting for me.  Sometime.
Compliments freak me out.  I never know how to respond.
At work I regularly thank people for things that don't require thanking.
I have an addictive personality.
All of my grandparents (including one step-) have passed away.
Sometimes I envy people with big families.  Most of the time I don't.
I almost always have a book with me.
I don't have a favourite flower.  Should I?
I don't like salad, but I eat it because it's good for me.
It regularly confuses people that I work in an arena, but I don't like hockey.
I don't really get current politics, because it's not really about politics.
I almost always (one exception) think the book is better than the movie.
People who post nothing but inspirational quotes on Facebook are annoying.
Sometimes I get so attached to characters in a book, that I feel extremely sad when it's over.
I say I'm tired, but I'm usually just bored.
When I'm bored, it's probably because I'm too lazy to do anything.
I try my best to be good to the environment.
I need to drink more water.
I doubt anyone will actually read this.

Gatsby ... the great?

I've often commented that a movie will never, and can never, be better than the book upon which it is based.  But, in one particular instance, I have been proven wrong.

To start at the beginning, I never had to read The Great Gatsby in school.  I'm not sure how I missed it, or it me, whichever, but somehow it was never required reading in my English classes.  So, a few years ago, I decided to try to catch up on all those books that somehow I managed to avoid in school, Gatsby obviously being on that list.  Considering the general reception the novel is greeted with, I understandably had expectations.  I don't think that I've ever heard anyone say anything against it, never mind finding someone who didn't like it.  That, it seemed, would be almost like heresy.

As I read though, I became more and more frustrated.  Nothing about the characters made me like any of them.  And the language made them all so ... I don't know, pretentious?  I understand that there is a point to that impression, but I felt at least the narrator should have gotten some favourable impression from me.  Thankfully, the book is short, and I finished it with relief, becoming the only person I know who could say they honestly disliked it.  I felt it was a waste of my time having read it, except to be able to say that I had.  Even with a fluffy romance novel, I end up with a feeling of having enjoyed it, even if I don't take anything meaningful away from the experience.  I couldn't say that for Gatsby.  I was actually so disappointed, that I struck F. Scott Fitzgerald from the list of authors that I ever wanted to read.

Flash forward about a year, when I learn that Leonardo DiCaprio is starring in an adaptation of the book.  I enjoy Leo - I have since his first appearance on Growing Pains, with only a minor pause during the Titanic trend.  (I liked the movie, but not the hype and freakishness that went with it.)  Anyway, I believe I probably audibly groaned when I found out about the Gatsby movie, knowing that I'd have to see it, considering the star.   I guess my only hope was that I might get a little more something out of the story than I had initially.

So, this past weekend, I saw the film. In 3D.  In typical Baz Luhrmann fashion, the images were breathtaking, the colours and spectacle made perfect sense in the framework of the story. (The music was a bit incongruous and out of time, but dealable.)  Everything was that bit over the top that excellently illustrated the excess of the lifestyle being portrayed, and I walked out of the theatre with a much better understanding of the character of Gatsby than I expected.  From the book, I just felt the behaviour was selfish and self-indulgent, but from the movie, I grasped something else, a vulnerability, a need to please that I hadn't noticed before.  All the roles were well-played, and made much more sense for me in the movie than the book, perhaps because I could see the emotions (or lack there-of) where in the book I had to make it up for myself.  With no sense of relation to any of the characters, I found that impossible.

I have started re-reading the novel now, while the film images are still fresh in my mind, because I hope to be able to take something more from it than I did the first time.  But I do need to applaud Baz Luhrmann for the interpretation/adaptation that has created an appreciation of this story in me.  And for casting Leo in it because with another actor, I may not have made the effort of seeing it.  He will likely always be the image of Jay Gatsby that I see.

It's official

I am a horrible blogger. And I can't follow an easy resolution to improve myself. Wow.

So, it's the beginning of my 39th year, and ouch, does that seem old.  It's not bad enough that the number is scarey, but the day after my birthday, I wake up with the most painful pain in my elbow that I have ever felt in my life, inclusive of my hip pain from a few years ago.  You do not know how much an elbow can hurt, until it does.  And you don't realize how important elbows are until they're so painful you can't use them.

But, after two days of heat and cold, that seems to have worked itself mostly out, and now my new year begins.  I don't have a lot of time left until I'm forty, and I want to make sure that I make myself healthier before then.  The years on the down side of the hill need to be my best, not the lazy slide into whatever lurks at the bottom.  So, with that in mind, I've begun another exercise routine.  It's not really any different than last year, but I'm going to try it again.  And I'm tracking my food, so maybe that will make the difference. I've been doing the tracking for a while already, so I already have that habit, now I'll just be able to see how the exercise affects the food intake as well.  And maybe something will trigger a change in how things have been working.

In other news, I'm more than half way through my Human Resources course, and after achieving 85% on my midterm, and suffering through a group project, I think I should come out the other end fairly well.  The next thing is to figure out where the money is coming from to take two more classes in the next semester.  If I can take two classes for each of the next 3 semesters, I can have earned my Human Resource Management Certificate in a little bit over a year from now. That's pretty exciting.  But I have to find the money...

I'm doing well with reading this year, well on pace to reach my goal of 45 books.  Depending on the books of course.  And since one of those books was actually a series of 9 books, I'm actually well ahead of the goal.  I'm trying to mix contemporary books and classics, fiction and non-fiction, fluff and substance, but I think I tend to be a little more toward the contemporary, fluffy fiction than anything else.

And so, I think this post is probably well over-long enough and I'll stop now.  I will try to put a few thoughts in here on a regular basis.  But I've said that before.  We'll see how long it lasts.

tiniest of tiny updates

Home sick today.  Wicked headache and throwing up feeling, so called in.  Slept 'til noon, then watched tv and basically did nothing.

Work tomorrow.  Blech.

New breadmaker to make bread on this weekend.  Yey.  Bad for carb intake, but happy because a favorite smell is that of bread baking.

Lots of book-reading to do.  Also, tv to catch up on.  Which are contra-indicative.  It's hard to read while paying attention to tv, and actually understanding what's going on.

Nothing else exciting.  Work is still work, life is still dull.  Planning to cut off my hair once again.  Tired of it always being on my shirt collars and getting all wavy and annoying from scarves and winter coats.  Also, just tired of it.  Hopefully next week that will be done.

And that's the update for today.

There goes that resolution

So apparently blogging more often is a bad resolution - it's pretty much already broken.

Last weekend, I worked my last shift at my seasonal part-time job, and then Sunday went to spend the day with my favourite one-year-old on his birthday.  He's sort of, kind of, like a nephew, since I'll never actually have any biological ones, and his mom has been my friend since we were in grade 2 (with a few minor breaks in the middle when she or I moved away from the other.  She tried to give me her little brother - yes, literally, give him to me.  I was halfway down the school hallway before her mom noticed!) during the first month that we knew each other, so somehow it was definitely going to be a lasting friendship.)

I spent this past week training a co-op student because my boss was out sick (the flu is crazy - crazy!! - this year), and working an additional half hour/night because we can't leave the co-op student alone yet, and then sleeping when I got home.  Oh, and my Human Resources class started this week, so there was homework and reading in there too.  Ridiculous.

I had to clean this weekend because I've been really, really slack on that, and I have the post-Christmas party for my seasonal part-time job tonight.

I did get to spend some fun-time on Friday night with a good friend and her sister-in-law, knitting (we're making infinity scarves) and drinking, chatting.  That was lovely.  And I'm addicted to another TV show (Sons of Anarchy, in case you're wondering) so there's that.

Beyond that, I don't think there's anything else to report.

There might be a post on the weight loss blog later (nope, no actual weight loss, just an observation that I might find time to make) but I don't have anything else to put up here for the moment.

It's November - you know what that means

It's NaNoWriMo again.

And due to unforeseen events in my RL I was unable (read: unwilling, uninspired) to start until today.  And I started slow.   But in the last hour or so, I've made up some words and am actually on a decent pace.

I have a few ideas floating around in my head, and I'm hoping that something coherent comes out of them.  I'm trying my best not to censor stuff, because that seems to be my biggest problem.  I write and then erase bits, and that affects my word count.  And also my writing flow.  So maybe, if I can be a little more stream of consciousness this year, I can actually finish the month with a win in the NoMo column this year.

And clearly, I'm not having any problems with words today, because I'm rambling on here as well.

We'll see if by the end of the month I end up with anything useful in my Word file.

Here's hoping *crossed fingers*

2 years ago today...

October 30, 2010 - I was just out of the hospital after my 2nd hip replacement surgery in less than 2 years.  It's a weird thing to think back about now.  I don't remember the pre-surgery pain, though I know I had a lot, and I don't remember any particular misery about the surgery/hospital experience, but I do know that my life now, is much better than it would have been had that never happened.  And I contribute it mostly to two people.  My aunt's friend who suggested, and then suggested again a year later that I really ought to be doing something about it, and actually got me to see the second person, my surgeon, who fixed me well, and with little to no issues or trauma.

There are so many things that I could say, but really, I'm just grateful that someone was able to recognize my issues and get it all sorted out before I wasted too much time telling myself it was just something I had to deal with.

And more than a month goes by....

I've thought about posting a lot in the last few weeks.  I don't know why I haven't.  My excuse is that I was keeping up with my fitness blog, on which I finally accomplished something, even if it's not actually what I was going for.

So, in the past two months - let's see what's happened.

I was maid of honour in a friend's wedding.  And the pictures, all of the ones with me in them, are horrid.  I do not photograph well.  But I already knew that, so we move on.   It was a beautiful ceremony and a great day over all.  And then she and her new husband went off on a Mediteranean Cruise.  Add to that, my aunt was also off on a Mediteranean cruise at the same time.  And another friend went on a Disney Cruise.  Talk about a week or so of complete and total envy.

Work ... sucks.  But not because of the job, or because of anyone actually physically in the building.  Politics are winning out.  It's a miserable culture in that town right now, and we all feel fairly harassed by people who are supposed to be supporting us, and who give us the direction that they're trying to say isn't right.  It's so difficult.  Add that to the idea that I'm not particularly thrilled to still be there anymore anyway, and the week's just continue to get longer, and longer.  And the week-ends are far too short.

I've gotten a seasonal position with Northern Reflections again this year.  Not as desperate for the spare money this year, as I was last year, but if I can use it to buy Christmas gifts, that will be wonderful.  And working for the same person this year, in the same place and she was lovely, so it should be a good deal.

Other than that... I don't think I've got anything to report.  NaNoWriMo starts in a few days, so I'm hoping I can do that again this year, but I tend to have good intentions and then end up with nothing less than two weeks in.  Maybe I can find some writing discipline this year.  It's not like I don't have the ideas, I just have trouble making them become something cohesive on the page.

And my new mantra - though I'm still working on changing it - is: I'm not fat.  I have fat. I was able to complete my goal of walking 365 miles.  Finished it on Wednesday, in 298 days.  That's pretty good.  So I gave myself 4 days off, before I start a new routine on Monday.   I need to give myself random goals though, in order to accomplish anything.  I can't just have abstract things like "exercise every day."  There has to be an end goal.  Right now, I'm going for a month long plan.  I need to make it through that plan.  Beyond that, I'll have to figure out something else.  But I'm not looking beyond it right now.  Just like I didn't look beyond my 365 mile goal when I was working on that one.  And I do feel more fit than I did before I started.  And I have a bit of a workout ethic now, which is saying something.  I haven't lost the weight I was hoping for, but at least if I'm healthier that's positive.

And I think I'm done rambling for now.  Hopefully, I can keep up on this blog a little more now that I'm not blogging as often elsewhere.

Trying to keep up with my life

There's not really a lot to keep up with - as in not a whole lot has happened - I just have trouble remembering to document anything that does happen.

Let's see.... since my last post, what's happened.  *crickets*

That's what I thought.

My dad and I walked in the Father's Day Walk/Run for Prostate Cancer Canada.  It was held, aptly, on Father's Day.  My mom was supposed to walk as well, but after a health scare earlier in the week, we basically told her she wasn't allowed to and dad and I continued on without her, while she performed as photographer for us.  Together, we all raised just over $1,400 and dad and I finished the walk in just under an hour, about 10 minutes faster than last year.  We all say we're going to continue doing this particular 5k walk for as long as we are physically able.  Which means, somewhere down the line, I will be walking alone...

I'm going to see Corey Hart perform live next weekend.  To most, this would not be exciting.  To me, it's a childhood dream.  Corey Hart was my first ever celebrity crush.  It began at the age of 8.  And because I was so young, I have never had the opportunity to see him live.  On my list of dream concerts, he's always been there, but toward the bottom of the list because he doesn't do music anymore.  He retired from touring and making records to raise his children. Which I can totally respect. It's definitely a valid choice.  It just made me sad that I would never have the opportunity.  Until now.  Apparently, some local(ish) DJ approached him to remix one of his songs, and Corey said yes.  And it's now become a kind of Pride anthem, so he's performing as part of the Pride Festival.  Which y'know, is a little odd, given that he's straight and all, but that's okay.  I'm going to see Corey Hart live!  And I don't have any issues with going to Pride to do it.  I've been at Pride for much less of a reason than that before.

The next day, my friend and I are heading to Niagara Falls because she hasn't been in a very long time and would like to do a few of the touristy things.  She's coming with me to the concert, so it's a perfect way to combine the two things.  And we're both on vacation starting that week so it's perfect!  It should be a good few days.  So excited!!

In other updates:
I've begun going to a chiropractor, and I feel pretty good about it.  I was having muscle issues in my right shoulder blade area and had been having recurring headaches that I could not get to go away.  Since seeing the chiropractor I've had only one headache, and I think that it was caused by the adjustment and my body adjusting to the new position.  Otherwise I've been doing really well.  She's given me some exercises to do on my own as well, and those are also very helpful.

My weight loss goals are not going as well as I had hoped - I'm stuck at about 12 pounds lost - but I do feel healthier.  I feel good about myself knowing that I'm being more active.  And maybe my metabolism will at some point realize that I'm not going to stop walking and get itself in gear.  There's no reason for it to be sluggish.  I'm not starving to death, clearly.

I have a "face-to-face" for what could be a very interesting job opportunity on Wednesday.  Part of me is freaking out because of the circumstances that make it interesting, and part of me is being very passive.  Shrugging my shoulders and saying "Eh.  Whatever happens, happens."  It's a weird situation for me.  I'm generally quite high-strung about prospective job stuff.  I desperately want to find something new, and it's a very bad idea to let a prospective employer know that you want it desperately.  So perhaps this will go better because I don't have that same feeling.

Some days I feel kind of like I'm drowning in the non-ness of my life.  (Yes, I just made up that word.)  I don't really do anything much, but I feel like I have no time to do anything, because I never get anything accomplished.  It's a bit scarey.  I'm hoping that maybe I can change my attitude a little if I change some of my current situations.  I need to make changes, I think my psyche is scared that I'll end up somewhere worse than I am now.  I'm too comfortable here.  Even though I'm not really comfortable at all.  But change is stressful, and worrisome, and who needs that?  Every one does.  I know.  I just have to get myself comfortable with the idea of change, so that I'm a bit more willing to take a risk.  And hopefully the right risk will present itself soon, while I've got myself in the right brain-place to take advantage of it.

Positive vibes please

Posting only for a completely self-serving reason: There's a job that I really want an interview for.  As in really, really want an interview, because I really want the job.  The posting closed today.  So can anyone who might happen to be reading this please think about me getting an interview and ultimately that job?  Please?!?

I appreciate any positive thoughts you can spare in my direction.  From the progress the past few months, I can use all the help I can get.

Holy Cow! I suck!

Just a quick post to say that I had no idea it had been quite so long since I'd posted on this blog.  I am horrible at blogging!!

I really need to start putting my thoughts in here, instead of just ranting away to myself, and my cat.  Because I don't think she really cares, and I just make myself angrier.

Google +

Okay, so I like the idea.  The concept is good.

But I don't like that they are forcing me to put my full real name out there for all the world.  I like my privacy.  I share what I want, with who I want.  I prefer to be known by my initial. It's not a crime.  I don't share my location, I don't share my workplace. I'm trying to protect myself, and my identity.   I'm trying to avoid crazy cyber-stalker types.  I should be allowed to do that.   I don't necessarily want any person who knows my name to be able to find me online.  If I want them to find me, I'll let them know how.  This should be my right.

Google people are you listening?  I should be allowed to share only the information I want online.  You shouldn't be able to force me to allow everyone to see my whole name.  If you want to know my full name fine.  But I should be able to be present on my blog, and on my google+ page with just a common, comfortable nickname.

Got it?!

Fifty

I've just finished reading the E.L. James trilogy, beginning with Fifty Shades of Grey.  I'm clearly not a reviewer or a critic, and I don't really have a leg to stand on as far as ever being published or having any kind of reputation that grants me the right to say anything at all about someone's written work.

But below, I'm planning to post my thoughts.  If you don't want to know what I think.  Stop reading.

Also, there will be spoilers, so anyone looking to avoid knowing what the stories are about, then you need to avoid reading this.

Are you still here?  Okay.

And so, my thoughts:
I find it awkward to admit that I actually did enjoy reading these novels.  And it's not awkward because of the content.  Everyone who's heard anything about them already knows that they're erotica, and so there's no cause for any awkwardness there.  I find it awkward, because I was often pulled out of the story by the writing itself.  The awkwardness comes because I didn't find the righting very good.  But I kept wanting to know where the story was going.   Clearly, eventually they would both get past at least some of their issues, or there would be no satisfactory conclusion to the story, but when, and how.  That's what I wanted to know.

The sex, while definitely graphic in moments, didn't tend to be superfluous.  I found that after each encounter I had learned something about one or both of the characters that led to some revelation or other of their personality/character.  That's a very positive point.  Because often sex in a novel is just there for the fun of it.  It doesn't actually tell us anything.  The writing, by the way, was often much better in the sex scenes than in the more mundane scenes.  Interesting.

The writing in the more mundane scenes was a bit lacking.  It seemed repetitive, using the same phrases and words over and over, and throwing in overly large words, seemingly just for the sake of using an overly long word.  And the character development in anything other than a sex scene was almost nil.  We'd seem to get somewhere with a particular development and in the next chapter, that same character would be having the same issue again.  I understand that people don't always grow the way that we want them to, but in this particular story, we seemed to be having the same conversations over and over, with no movement toward any resolution.

There were also editing issues.   In one specific example, there's one person driving the car, and then three lines later, someone else is parking it.  When did they switch?  Is it a multiple personality disorder and there was only one person all along?

I read somewhere that this series was rushed to print.  I would guess because they wanted to take advantage of a marketing situation of some kind.  They likely would have done better to spend some more time on fleshing out the story and the characters.  And editing.  Making sure that the people in the end of the scene were the same people that were in the beginning.  And that they weren't quite so repetitive.

I give the author props for managing to get published, though from the author bio, I would guess that she likely had some contacts in the industry that helped with that situation.  But I found myself longing to rewrite many of the scenes to make them flow better, to avoid the repetition and to make everything more consistent in tone and content.  This is probably a flaw on my part, but I don't often have the urge to do that to a novel, so I think it also says something about the work that I was reading.

Overall, as I said, I did enjoy reading it.  The story was quite interesting, if not entirely unique.  With a little more polish on the writing, I'd happily read something else that E.L. James had written.

the agony, the torture

I had an appointment at the dentist today after work. Minimal plaque, moderate bleeding was the prognosis. Which of course is due to not enough flossing. This is not new.

According to the hygienist everyone gets told they need to floss more. Including her. And she's the freaking hygienist. If that's the case shouldn't someone come up with some better way to take care of that particular issue?

Maybe that's just the way my brain works.

Now my jaw aches. And my head hurts a little.

But that's the way it goes. And now I'm free of that concern for another 6 months.

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