My strange addiction

Okay, so it's not really that strange.  I am addicted to shoes.  I love them.  I love how high heels look, how cute they are, all the fun colours they come in. But, for the most part, I don't really want to wear them.  I would really just live in my Skechers.

This is really how my brain works.  I want to own the pretty shoes, I want to possess them, I want to make them mine but I don't really want to wear them anywhere, because they're never as comfortable as my Skechers.  Any of my Skechers actually, since I own multiple styles of them.

I own a decent number of heels too.  All different brands, different colours, different styles.  But I still look at them and love them and want to wear them.  And then I go for flats.

I'm just not willing to choose style over comfort.

The reason for this rant?  My newest acquisitions (Damn Payless and their BOGO events.)

I actually went in to replace the pair that I'd been wearing all day, because they were sorely in need of replacement.  So it's all my own fault.  (And that damn BOGO.)   One positive is that I did have enough willpower to stop at 2 pairs.  I seriously fell in love with about 8 different styles.

I really like the black patents.  They're the pair that works as the replacement.  They're simple, but the patent makes them a little more fun.  And it makes them look less like just plain black shoes.  Besides, who doesn't love black patent shoes?!?  Am I right?

The other ones, well, I just like them.  They're fun.  And not quite black.  They're really a dark gun metal-like grey.  So different.

The other weird part is that these are "skinny" heels.  I'm usually firmly against skinny heels.  Obviously, they're not stilettos, but they are definitely thinner and taller than I would normally buy.  But I was completely comfortable in them.  The heels anyway, the shoes will take a little working in, but I tried them on at the end of the day after wearing heels all day, so they should be perfectly fine.

So yey.  Pretty new shoes for me.  To go with the pretty new pants I bought yesterday.

Ya, sticking to that budget really well, aren't I?

In my defense, I needed pants to replace the ones that I can no longer wear, and needed shoes to replace the ones that were broken.  Both the pants and the shoes that were replaced have already been disposed of.

Nothing to say...

But here, watch this:

The wise words of Marilyn Monroe...

Not a phrase someone expects to hear - Marilyn Monroe, wise?  Really?  Wasn't she just a vapid sex-pot?

I'm reading a biography right now, and no, she really wasn't.  She was constantly searching information, knowledge.  Reading classic literature, studying art.  It's interesting.

Wise words of today are: "I can be smart when it's important, but most men don't like it." (spoken as Lorelei Lee in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes - 1952)

And now you'd suggest that she didn't actually speak them, they were scripted for her.  Except that it was Marilyn's idea to add them to the movie.  They weren't originally scripted.  And truer words have probably never been spoken.  And, it seems she based her entire persona on them.

It's sad that 59 years later it's still the same.  Men/boys do not like smart women in general.  Are they threatened by it?  Do they just like to feel intellectually superior?  Who knows but them.  And they're not telling.

So, we learn to either play stupid, or suffer their intolerance of us.  It's a petty game, really.  But even as young girls we know we have to learn how to play it.  Because even now, there's judgement if a woman can't get a man.

And a smart girl, even a pretty one, can rarely get a man as easily as a pretty dumb girl.

Ugh! *with a nose crinkle*

I had to put up a new shower curtain today. My old one (the plastic, inside part) had mold on it. This dates back to when I was lazy and didn't open the curtain back up to close off the shower after I'd been in it. So I decided it was time to either clean it, or replace it.

Being lazy, I chose replace. But now I have to deal with that toxic, gross, plastic smell. Probably for at least a week. I hate that smell. I don't know how to deal with that smell. You can't cover it up. It just hangs there in that tiny space of a room, and waits for you. Saying "hello, I'm a new plastic shower curtain over here, don't you love me yet?" And you just want to scream "NO!" and run from the room.

It's awful. And I know this post is as well, but seriously, I needed to vent about the curtain.

Besides the smell, I really liked my old shower curtain. I had double fun curtains. But the new inside one is just plain. And so, kind of boring. It makes me sad.

babies, babies and more babies?

When did Grey's Anatomy become all about the babies?  Everyone either has one, or doesn't want one, or has an issue with one.  There are babies everywhere on this show.  I don't get it.

It used to be all about the selfish drama.  Suddenly there are families and people with actual feelings about other people's actions, and not in the way that is all about how it affects them.  It's strange.

I'm thinking maybe this is a good year to go out with a bang.  It's season 8 right?  Eight is a good number.   Patrick Dempsey has already said that he's out after this year.  And Ellen Pompeo has said similar though not quite as bluntly.  So really, why go on?  They are the main essence of the show.  And sure, there's still another Grey to step in, just in case Meredith isn't there anymore.  But can anyone really say that Lexi is as important to the story as Meredith is?

I guess this is why I'm not a tv writer.  I don't know the ins and outs.  I don't know the theories behind why shows do or don't get cancelled, or why they continue.  And so, I'll watch, and wait to see how much longer the show continues.

.... and holy crap, that's a sinkhole!

When will the effort pay off?

I'm trying, really I am. 

Trying to get a new job.  Putting in as many resumes as I can find jobs to apply to.  Even part time.  And temporary positions.

I have to keep trying to stay positive.  But it's frustrating.

I understand that a lot of people are going through this at the moment.  It's just the climate of the economy.  And I should be grateful that I'm one of the people who still have a job while I'm searching.  This, I know.

My issues really come from watching people come and go from where I am, and I still sit there.  And some of these people are my friends.  And I've watched them leave (some in entirely bad circumstances) and eventually find positions that make them happy.  They've made changes in their lives based on that change, and they're doing well.   And I'm watching my life stay the same.  Partly because I'm afraid to take a risk, because I like the relative security of what I have.  And partly because I just don't know what else to do.  I can't make people see that I should be part of their organization.  I can't make up skills that I don't have, or convince people that I can do things that they don't see that I can do.  I just don't sell myself well enough for that.

I guess I should learn.  Add that to the list of things that I need to put more effort into.

Lord, help me be strong...

Okay, so this post is probably going to end up with me coming across as mean and judgemental.  And yet, I'm still going to post it.  Why?  Because I'm trying to be real here.  And because, heck, why not still post it.  I'm thinking it, so I'm already mean and judgemental.  I might as well share it with the world.

We have a co-op student where I work.  Because I was on vacation, I had yet to work with her until today.  And boy, I don't know how this is going to work for the next several months.  I think she's probably a lovely girl.  But there's something... well, special about her.  Apparently she's a little bit deaf.  (Only a little bit?)  And apparently she's also got some sight issues.  And well.  Like I said, a little bit special.

She talks to loud on the phone.  And she talks too loud in general.  And yes, that can be chalked up to the deafness.  And she just tries to hard.  It's probably a case of wanting to be a part of the group, because she's not been readily accepted, but it's really just distinguishing her even more.  And I feel horrible about it.

But really, what can I do?  There are only so many annoying habits that a person can have in a small office, without being really, really annoying.  And so, at the moment, I'm just biting my tongue, and rolling my eyes to myself (and occasionally to my coworker also.)  And vowing to give her small tips in a constructive way.  Things that might help the months go by a little more smoothly. 

This is one of those trying moments.  And whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?  So, this will be a good lesson in tolerance, and acceptance.