Thoughts of a day

Having recently suffered a significant loss in my life, I can't comprehend the people who find it necessary to post annually on the anniversary of a loss about how much they still miss that person.  It seems unnecessary as your grief and loss are your own.  Are they really just looking for further sympathy to carry them through.   Do they feel as if people have forgotten them, and their loved one, and so they need to bring it forward again?  Because the majority of people probably have their own loss to deal with, and in some cases, it may not be a happy reminder for them.

Something I found

I found this, among other papers recently.   I have no idea when I wrote it, how long ago or how recently, but I'm going to put it here so that I don't lose it.

I'm just going to put this here...

Finding the way

For as long as I can remember, I've had this dream, no... goal, to be a writer.   I want to write a novel - to actually finish writing a novel.   I've written a lot over the years, and I can't seem to find that perfect thing to write that actually gets me to the end.   And it makes me wonder if that's actually ever been a realistic dream for me. Am I even capable of completing something like that?  Has it been stupid to hold on to that for so long?

*insert heavy sigh*

It's hard to re-evaluate dreams you've been holding since childhood.  And I don't think this one needs to be completely abandoned, but I don't think I have any idea how to move forward with it.

When friendships fade

It used to be a simple thing when friendships shifted out of tune and people faded from your life.  They used to just go away, and you didn't see them anymore.   You had some great memories, but unless you ran into them on the street somewhere, or made some valiant gesture to try to keep them in your life, they were just gone.

With all the various forms of social media, if you've friended or tagged or snapped with that person, you still see their presence in the world.  As a Facebook friend you have to watch as their life goes on without you.   It's not really painful; it just makes you wonder how you could be forgotten. 

So here's the thing...

I didn't have a great year last year.   I had a lot of disappointments - mostly in myself, and the way I handled the year.   Which is why I did not do my normal end of the year wrap up, and then start off the year posts.

I have goals for this year - I absolutely have goals for the year.   But they're a little different than they've been in the past.  This year, I've decided is the year to be aware. 

End of another year

Another year is coming to a close.  And I once again, have not kept up with the blogging.  Did I post even once this year?  Other than posting random musical content that is.  I doubt it.  I'm not even go to check.  Instead I'm going to focus on a minimal update and what I hope to accomplish in the new year. 

What to say about this year.  It's been incredibly depressing in the loss of celebrity life.  Just in the last two weeks, we've lost George Michael, Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds.  Then add to that Prince, David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Alan Thicke.  So many that I can't even list them all.  Something like 110 celebrity or entertainment related deaths this year.  It's crazy.  So, for that reason it's good that 2016 is coming to a close.  And hopefully 2017 won't follow the same path. 

Personally, on the topic of loss, my Shea passed away in October, and it's been harder to deal with than I expected.  I've lost other pets previously, but this was just different somehow.  I guess probably because I've never lived outside of my parents home without her.  And now I have to.  The goal is to get another kitty-baby, but we need to do some renovations on my place before that can happen, so I'm waiting. 

I've settled in at my new job, though as an organization we've been going through some pretty major transition which is due to change again starting Tuesday.  I've been working part time again for the Christmas season, and with the part-time job and the full-time job and the going to the gym I'm pretty close to burning out, so while I enjoy the part-time position, I'm glad that it will be coming to an end.  I need proper rest, and to stop stressing myself out. 

Otherwise life has been just life.  There are parental health concerns, and general other issues, but I can't control any of that, so I need to just go with the flow, and let it go.

Which basically leads to  figuring out my goals for the upcoming year. 
1) Stop living in my head - stop overthinking and over analyzing everything.  Just let life happen as it does, and enjoy the moments, but don't obsess over them.
2) Eat better, take better care of myself.
3) Read more consistently.  - I found this year that I was trying to cram in the books that I needed to finish my (decreased) goal.  I need to plan better so that I don't get that far behind again this year.
4) Write more.  Blogging or storytelling.  It doesn't matter.  Just do it.  More often.  More consistently.
5) Be more organized.  Tidy up after myself.  Purge things that I don't need anymore.  Stop being a hoarder.
6) Be more financially responsible.

All of these things are actually related to making myself feel better.  I spend money on things I don't need and eat things that I shouldn't eat when I'm stressed and then I don't feel like doing anything productive because I'm thinking of myself as such a slacker, so what's the point? It's really a big endless cycle.  Concentrate on all those things individuallly and they should all work themselves out. And it should work out to me being less moody, and more positive. 

I'm down with giving it a try anyway. That's the goal for this year.  End on a happier, healthier, more productive note.  Not too tall an order, is it?